


The Burning's In My Heart

by zaynlliam (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Recreational Drug Use, college stuff, i can't reember
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 15:29:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7689934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/zaynlliam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One month into the boy’s tweets, still no full faced pictures. There were loads of jawlines and lips and even tattooed hands but most of the pictures posted by one niazkilam were paintings and charcoal drawings and graffiti that rivaled banksy. But, god, Liam couldn’t stop scrolling at this point. In fact, he didn’t. Until he was about 4 months in and Harry shifted awkwardly on the couch, bringing Liam back from his thoughts.</p><p>His eyes fell on the movie for awhile, locking his phone and tossing it into his lap. He could stop thinking about this mysterious boy for at least the hour that was left in the movie. Except he couldn’t. Thirty minutes, if that, later he was unlocking his phone again, pulling twitter back up and immediately finding the profile again to follow him. Niall would call it a thirst follow, Harry would agree (as usual) but Liam was just captivated. Interested. Enthralled. Engrossed. Transfixed. Mesmerised. Every synonym that existed, he was.</p><p>(or in which everyone is a bit of a nasty hipster and Liam thirst follows Zayn without realizing they attend the same University)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Burning's In My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> alright since people are 'angry' here's the facts: I've had this sitting in a google doc for over a year and it's daunting and I want it posted so I can be done with it. I wrote this january-march 2015 when I still shipped ziam. I only clarify that I don't ship ziam now because this fic is not what I write now days. does this mean I dislike what I've written? no. at one point this was my baby and I do hope whoever chooses to read it, enjoys it. 
> 
> however I don't care if you read it or not. this is a fix from my past that I posted because a friend asked to read it. it's unbeta'd and I don't remember very much about it. that's all I'm saying. enjoy, or don't. but don't waste your time or mine leaving a shitty comment about something I don't care about please and thank you. 
> 
> Oh here's further proof I was very dedicated to this fic last year, if you're interested I made tumblrs for all of the the boys to go along with this fic since it was kind of a social media au? you can find those here
> 
> [liam](http://gdambatman.tumblr.com/) [harry](http://harold-stylings.tumblr.com/) [niall](http://youtubenialler.tumblr.com/) [louis](http://tttommo.tumblr.com/) [zayn](http://niazkilam-art.tumblr.com/)
> 
> this gifset was for the fic as well [xx](http://crystalmreed.tumblr.com/post/118732171440)

“You’ll ruin your voice if you keep smoking,” Liam just rolls his eyes and ashes his cigarette before placing it between his lips again.

“Are you or are you not the one that supplies our household with weed?” He quips, his eyebrows rising in an accusatory fashion. “Besides, I don’t do much singing. You know that.” The smoke floats into the dense, summer air between them. He doesn’t really do much singing; that was Harry. Harry and Niall sing while Liam writes. He could sing, he figures. He’s done so a million times with Niall in one of his videos, but he’s just more comfortable on the piano or with a pen and paper coming up with music. Always has been.

“You should,” Harry side-steps the smoke to lean against the same wall as Liam. “Ni and I were talking about it though. You should start up your own youtube channel and sing all those original songs that you won’t let us touch.” It’s something that Liam has thought about for awhile now; Harry and Niall have been dropping hints about it since they recorded their first three-part harmony when they first met Harry nearly three years ago. He could do it, honestly. Out of the three of them, he had the smoothest voice and the largest vocal range. He plays his own instruments and he writes his own songs. He could do it, and he could succeed. He could fail too though, that’s always a possibility. That’s why he won’t try. That’s his issue. Kakorrhaphiophobia.

Liam presses his lips tighter around the cigarette and offers Harry a slight shrug as his hand cards through the mess of curls on the top of his head. The thing is, he hasn’t gotten used to the popularity online yet. Liam’s always been shy, he’s always been one to make himself small: to sink into the shadows when he doesn’t want to be seen. He had about three thousand followers on Twitter before Harry came into his life, and he only had that many because Niall had been doing fairly good on Youtube since Liam met him in sixth form. But Harry- he was a different story. Harry had gotten himself half a million followers on twitter and even more on tumblr and instagram. He had one of those hipsteresque photo blogs: the ones that post nothing but obscure pictures that don’t really mean anything but appeal aesthetically to people like him. Liam too, he supposes. Not that either of them would call themselves hipsters. No, that’s Niall’s duty.

“Think about it, yeah?” Harry plucks the cigarette from Liam’s lips to suck a hit into his own lungs as he breaks the silence. Hypocrite. 

“No,” He replies sharply, a small smile slipping against his lip as he tries to soften it. “Got anything in for tea?”

“Nah,” Harry’s long fingers tangle with Liam’s briefly when he passes the cigarette back after taking two more hits, “Ni wants to order in, anyway.”

“Well, we all know Niall gets whatever he wants from you.”

“Doesn’t he though.” And Liam would think Harry was annoyed if it wasn’t for the dazed grin that finds it’s way against Harry’s lips as they step inside.

***

If you were to tell Liam that he and Niall would try to pull the same bloke at a party during their first year at Uni, only to have him come home with them both for a threesome (which crashed and burned, for your information) and then that same bloke would move in with them only two months later, he’d call you crazy. No. He’d punch you in the face and then call you crazy. Yet here he is, following Harry up the stairs and into their flat. 

Their building is shit (that’s obvious with the broken down elevators and the paper thin walls), but none of that matters to Liam. At least it has working air conditioning unlike the dorms they moved Harry out of. The coolness brushes against his skin, prickling against the thin layer of sweat that formed while walking home from work. He moves towards the kitchen to search for a bottle of water the moment they step over the threshold that leads into their front room.

“Nialler!” He beames, catching the blond off guard and nearly making him spill the tea he’d just poured. “Your boyfriend says you want take out, yeah?”

Niall’s mouth opens to interject, to shout a “Not my boyfriend!” But Liam pushes on, “I personally have been cravin’ chinese for days, mate. We should get it, yeah?”

“Chinese sounds good to me, too.” Harry chimes, making his way into the room and immediately to Niall’s side. Liam almost rolls his eyes with disgust but doesn’t. He just finds them so bloody adorable together that it’s nearly impossible to muster up the energy to pretend to be annoyed with their couple-y PDA in the shared living areas. (Even if it’s totally a rule of flatmates) Niall’s body melts into Harry’s side as he wraps his arm securely around the tall brunette's waist before he finally takes a sip of his tea. 

Liam and Niall have far too much in common for them to not get on perfectly. They both take three sugars in their tea, both Virgos, both like blue the best, and they have the same middle name. Maybe it doesn’t seem like the type of things that life-long friendships form over but when you’re the shy, scrawny fifteen year old sitting in the back of a classroom with no one paying you attention until some kid with lightning blond hair plops down next to you to start chatting you up, it might as well be the most important information there is to know about someone. 

He’s grown up with Niall, and Niall has kept all of his secrets he was too ashamed to tell anyone else. He’s his best mate and the most important person in his life other than his family. Well, and Harry now, but that’s something Liam's still getting used to, too. He stretches around the two, who have tangled their bodies together in a fit of giggles and kisses and sips of tea, to reach for his favorite mug. 

He browses twitter for a bit while he waits for the kettle to heat up and glances up every once in awhile only to catch Harry whispering something in Niall’s ear that’s making the boy flush red all the way down his neck. Disgusting, he thinks to himself before he taps his thumbs against the screen of his phone.

@Liam_JPayne: Honestly livin with @nialljhoran and @Harold_Styles is disgusting. Get a room, mates.

He tweets, following it up with

@Liam_JPayne: @nialljhoran @Harold_Styles actually uve got a room! Go to it 

His tweets about Niall or Harry separately bring in favorites more quickly than his others, but when he mentions them both in same tweet it’s like his twitter’s going to explode. It brings in the usual replies:

@youtube_lovr: oMG!!!!! NARRY AHHHHHH THANK YOU PAYNE!!

@jnnaCarr: POST PICTRUES OF THEM LIAM!!!! 

@rebeccasmth: no one cares literally

and of course, Liam’s personal favorite type of reply.The ones in a different language except for one word. Usually sexual.

@cafajeste: HANDJOB PRO MOZÃO FOI

Liam lets out a quiet laugh, sits his phone down to pop the kettle from the stove and pours the water over his tea. 

“So is someone going to order in or are you going to snog in the kitchen all night? I’m a working boy, and I need sustenance.” He complains while spooning sugar into his tea. He glances back up, catches an eye roll from Niall and a fumbled apology from Harry, who moves away to grab the chinese menu from the fridge.

***

He has Harry’s head on one leg and Niall’s on the other, both of are them trying to fit too much of their body into a single section of the couch while Liam perches in the middle, holding his pint of shrimp fried rice in one hand and his phone in the other. They had argued over what movie to watch, but settle on Edward Scissorhands (one of his favorites), because Niall says he’s never seen it (what?) and Harry says he loves Winona Ryder more than he loves himself and Liam doesn’t feel like finding a movie he’d have to try too hard to pay attention to tonight.

He scrolls through twitter again, catching a few tweets from people he knows around campus and a few from his mates back home. He shoots someone a quick reply with one thumb while trying to maneuver a piece of shrimp to his mouth with chopsticks and his non-dominant hand. 

An icon catches his eye as he scrolls, you can’t really make out the entire face but it’s attention grabbing. It’s a small, square black and white picture of pursed lips and hair falling into his eyes. He looks right fit from what Liam can tell (though he’s always been weak for a nice set of lips). He searches his screen for a reason as to why this guy’s on his timeline. Oh, right. Someone’s retweeted some … rather odd tweet of his.

@niazkilam: Ok so I’m really bloody confused ! I mean bloody figuratively,I’m not a zombie …

With his brows furrowed he clicks the boy’s page and scrolls through a few more of his tweets. Maybe he’s hoping to catch a selfie, maybe.

@niazkilam: Well I feel wizzo today ! :)

@niazkilam: Wholesome food for a wholesome soul ... Chaaval and kebabs fook it's good

Liam’s one month into the boy’s tweets and there’s still no full faced pictures. There’s loads of jawlines and lips and even tattooed hands but most of the pictures posted by one niazkilam are paintings and charcoal drawings and graffiti that rivals banksy. But, god, Liam can’t stop scrolling at this point. So, he doesn’t. Not until he’s about 4 months in and Harry shifts awkwardly on the couch which brings Liam back from his thoughts. 

His eyes fall on the movie for awhile, he locks his phone and tosses it into his lap. He can stop thinking about this mysterious boy for at least the hour that was left in the movie. Except maybe he can’t. Thirty minutes later, if that, he’s unlocking his phone again, pulling twitter back up and immediately finding the profile again to follow him. Niall will call it a thirst follow, Harry will agree (as usual) but Liam’s just captivated. Interested. Enthralled. Engrossed. Transfixed. Mesmerised. Every synonym that existed, he is.

 

***

“‘m gonna pop out for a smoke, mate. That alrigh’?” Liam unties his apron and lifts it over his head before Harry gets the chance to reply.

“Fine with me, Li. Proper dead in here anyway.” Harry’s lip twist into a smile that he directs at Liam. “Also, Niall’s bringing chips and curry when he comes this way and I told him t’pick you up some too so I hope that sounds good for lunch.”

“Do I ever turn curry chips down, Hazza?”

“Not since I’ve met you, at least.”

“Never will.” Liam tugs the cigarette from behind his his ear as he ducks into the back room to exit the cafe into the alley that runs behind it.

 

Liam cups his hand around the flame of his lighter as it singes the paper of his cigarette and draws the first hit into his lungs as he thumbs his phone’s password in. The late August air hangs around him like a cage and as he sucks in another hit he longs for the release that Autumn will bring from the heat. His eyes fall on a familiar black and white icon for the millionth time the last few weeks.

@niazkilam: LONDON!!! Where can a growin boy go to get soup and a cuppa?

His fingers scratch against the shaved sides of his head as the cigarette dangles between his lips. And then

@Liam_JPayne: @niazkilam not sayin the one just off of campus has the best mint pea soup but it does u shud check it out if ur in the area

His phone chimes with a notification not even a minute after.

@niazkilam: @Liam_JPayne sounds sick mate xx

***

“Your usual then, Nialler?” Liam guesses as he watches the boy jump to sit on the counter and smirk as his blond locks fall over his short brunette sides and forehead. It’s probably not the best idea to let Niall always sit on the counters but, with it still being summer vacation, no one seemed to mind it so much. Besides, the small cafe won’t be to it’s peak business again for another few weeks. Not until classes start back up and students can’t make the trek across campus without stopping in for a cup of the strongest coffee and tea they can get for two pounds. 

Harry and Liam have taken to picking up literally every shift their boss will allow over the summer, which causes the pair to hardly venture from the shop until close. Which in turn causes Niall to spend most of his days there as well, the boss never minds. In fact he’s offered Niall a job, said the least he can do is pay him for spending all his time in the shop but Niall refused. He reasoned with the fact that he had a full time job in front of a camera with a smile on his face. Which then lead the shop owner to ask Liam if that meant he did porn. 

It’s a routine that Liam’s grown comfortable with, something that he needs. The regularity of having Niall or Harry within arms distance is what kept Liam sane. It keeps him moving forward instead of curling in on himself and hiding away. They bring out more of the Liam he wants to be and help him shed the Liam he used to be.

“Put it on me tab, Payno.” Niall croons as he leaned across the counter to brush his lips against Harry’s forehead. Liam takes the time to glance around the shop, as if one of the regulars would suddenly get up in arms about an openly gay couple sharing a bit of affection between tasks. It wasn’t like that here, though. Not in this cafe. Maybe at some of the beat up pubs closer to the rougher edges of the city but not in this quaint, safe haven the boys had taken refuge in for the summer. 

It brings a gentle smile across Liam’s lips as he turns away from his two friends to make Niall his iced caramel macchiato with extra caramel sauce on top. It’s the kind of sickly-sweet drink that Liam found himself interested in. All sugar and caramel that masks the bite of the espresso behind it. 

He moves like an artist and honestly, that’s how he feels when he makes drinks. He preps the ice cold milk, pumps caramel and dumps a bit of vanilla powder into it before moving towards the espresso machine to foam it. He sits it to the side and glances over his shoulder for a second to catch the two boys who had just stepped through the door. “Harold.” He said sternly, “Stop sucking face and tend to them, yeah?” He never stops working, he knows that if he waits too long to tamper the espresso then his milk will set incorrectly and well, he can’t have that. He applies the correct amount of pressure to the espresso and moves back to the machine, places the portafilter in the machine, watches carefully as he pulls shots and then scoops ice into a cup. He sits the shots of espresso down, grabs the milk and carefully pours it over the ice before doing the same with the espresso. Next was the drizzle. Usually there’s finesse with the drizzling of caramel but when it came to making Niall a drink that flies out the window. He squeezes a heap of caramel over the top of the drink, finishes it with a lid and grabs a straw before crossing to the counter. “Here, Ni. Iced Caramel Macchiato, just how you like it.”

“Fuck, Li.” Niall all but moans around his first sip. “Always make the best, don’ tell Harry tha’, though.” The blond winks and pulls another sip into his mouth. “And just make sure ye put it on m-”

“On your tab, Ni. Got it. Even though Paul never makes you pay.” Liam wags his eyebrows and brushes his hands against his apron, moving to see if Harry had everything else under control. “All right, Hazza?” He hums, raising his brow towards the boys standing at the counter.

“‘lright, Li.” He beams back and pushes at a few buttons on the register before turning his head. “Got a bowl of mint pea with baguettes for the one that doesn’t remember me from Sociology class last semester and a cuppa English Breakfast for his mate, yeah?” His eyes sweep back towards the two blokes that had ordered, “That’s 1.50 for the tea and 3.75 for the soup, mate.” Liam watches as Harry’s lips stretch into his toothy grin.

“Is that all?” The smaller boy asked as he dug in his pocket to fish out a few wadded up notes “That’s roundabouts a fiver, yeah?” The boys blue eyes pierced Liam even as they shifted to look at his friend. His friend gave a curt nod and shuffled his feet quietly. His hand carded through the inky black locks that fell to the side of his head. 

Liam nearly gasps when his eyes finally fall on the boy and take him in. He’s fucking gorgeous. Way more gorgeous than anyone Liam has ever seen and there’s something vaguely familiar about him, like maybe they had a class together in an earlier year or something along those lines but- no, there’s no way that Liam has ever had a class with him because he would have remembered. This isn’t just a boy that you saw and forgot. No, that was Liam and suddenly his stomach sink as he backs away from the counter. He crosses towards the small kitchenette where the soups of the day are kept along with any baked goods they had prepared that morning. Liam plates the baguette and drowns out the conversation Harry seems to be having with the customers instead of brewing tea. He’s honestly fighting himself to not glance back at the boy as he ladles soup into a bowl. He’s having to fight himself to remember that guys who look like that do not mix with guys that look like Liam. Liam is plain, unremarkable. He’s a round face and a puff of curly hair that spews from the top of his head and drifts gently over his shaved sides. He’s not memorable. He’s not raven hair that cascades against sharp cheekbones and a jaw strong enough to crush a man. Or eyelashes long enough to reach God. Or eyes that range from a chocolate brown to a smooth honey and every shade in between. Liam’s just Liam. 

“Li, d’you want me to make the tea?” Harry’s voice breaks into Liam’s inner thoughts as he pulls himself away from the customers.

“‘ve got it, ‘sides, Ni says I make the best drinks, anyway.” He pinches Harry’s sides as he places the plate down on the counter in front of the boys waiting. “Any specific way you want it, mate? Milk? Sugars?” He tries his hardest not to make eye contact, but he does of course because the universe is never on his side, and he sucks in a breath as he does.

“No milk, just a sugar.” And Liam nods, grateful to move away from them again as Harry pulls Niall into the conversation. 

“‘m surprised to see you lot ‘round here. Shop doesn’t get many students durin’ d’summer.” Niall offers, his lips still wrapped around his straw. “Not that we aren’t happy t’ave ye. ‘M Niall by t’way, Niall Horan. T’is’s Harry, the work-a-holic’s Liam. Though I s’pose y’could tell it by their name tags.” His laugh is gentle as he pokes at the tag pinned to Harry’s chest.

“‘We’ he says as if he does anything here but ring up a tab like it’s a cheap pub.” Harry’s eyes roll but he pushes his fingers through Niall’s hair fondly. Liam can almost feel the heart eyes that Niall’s wearing. “Excuse Niall here though, he’s like an excited puppy whenever new people come around. Bit sad, innit?” The two share a look before Harry speaks again, “So what does bring you around?” 

There’s a breathy chuckle from the area the boys are standing in but Liam doesn’t turn to see its source. The voice following is smooth, milky, almost like what Liam imagines caramel would be if caramel was a voice. “That’s Louis, I’m uh-” He let’s out another breathy laugh like he’s new to the act.

“You’re Zayn.” His friend, Louis, finishes for him. “Don’t mind this one, either. Does a lot of spray paintin’, fumes get to his ‘ead a bit. Says he got told this place had good soup, but I’m not quite sure if I believe him.” Louis hums, his fingers dancing against Zayn’s shoulder, “He’s bloody brilliant, but he’s got the social skills of an angler fish.”

“Right.” Zayn replies as he shrugs Louis’ hand off of him, “Uh, sorta just ask’d twitter where I could get a cuppa and some soup, you know? Lou likes mint pea, one of me mutuals on twitter said you had the best.” Liam’s head snaps around at that, his eyes meeting with the dark skinned boy’s again before pulling them away to scrape them down the boy’s arms, taking in every tattoo along the way before finally settling to his hands: stained black with charcoal and familiar inked designs. 

“‘M sorry, did you say Zayn?” Liam quips as his eyebrows pull together. 

“Uh, yea mate. ‘s that alrigh’?”

“Yeah just. Um. Unique, yeah? Just makin’ sure I had it righ’,” Liam swallows around the lump forming in his throat. This is the guy Liam has spent days constantly refreshing his twitter feed over. This is the guy who followed Liam back and caused him to verbally squeak while getting ready for work. This is the guy that Harry and Niall have been teasing him about. This is the guy that damn near took his breath away when Liam set his eyes on him for the first time. 

“Get that a lot, don’t I? Start’d spellin’ it differently when I was younger cos I thought it’d look cooler wit’ a y instead of an i, right? Confused quite a few teachers in the process just cos they’d only just gotten used to m’name at all then I start’d spellin’ it different on papers.” He aims a smile at Liam, who’s still trying to wrap his head around the fact that not only is this beautiful man talking to him, but it’s the same man that he’s been quietly pining over for a week.

“Cool, uh- wicked. Why don’t you guys go ahead and take a seat, yeah? I’ll get your tea out quick as, mate.” Liam laughs softly before turning back towards the brew. This is the guy that couldn’t possibly work with someone like Liam. This is the guy that doesn’t even know it was Liam who had tweeted him even though Liam has a picture of him and Niall as his icon and a nametag on that clearly reads “Hi! My Name’s: LIAM P :)”. 

Liam’s too plain, too easily ignored. That’s just how it is, how it’s always been. He moves towards the the table the two boys had sat down at. He’s holding his breath and counting each step to keep his head clear.

“Here y’go” Liam sits the tea down with shaking hands. “Was there anything else I could uh- anything else I could get for you today?”

“Actually, Liam, there quite is.” The boy, Lou or whatever, pauses and looks up at him and Liam’s sure his facial expression is twisted into one of confusion for several reasons. “My friend Zayn here is extremely daft, you see-”

“Oi! Not now, Tomlinson.” The other, Zayn, Zain, niazkilam, spits. Liam’s entire body freezes as Zayn shifts in his chair like he’s moving to kick Louis under the table.

“If not now then when, my love?” Louis points a chunk of his baguette at Zayn accusingly. Liam pulls his eyes away from Zayn to fall on Louis who’s wearing a grin just south of shit-eating. If Liam’s honest, the smile scares the shit out of him. It reminds him of the smirks you see on bullies that roam the playground in reception. The grin isn’t evil. Not inherently, but it’s the type of grin that makes people follow blindly into the murky depths. It’s the type of grin that gets you into mischief. Liam doesn’t think he wants any part of whatever events that grin will lead to, but he stays where he’s standing. It’s the damn grin. Zayn’s eyes fall down to the liquid in his cup as he raises it for another drink. “Exactly! Anyway, Liam, my boy.” 

Louis leans his elbows against the table like he’s trying to get closer to Liam. “I’ve been tellin’ this one he’s got to start living in the now, you know?” Liam nods his head, half understanding, half knowing that he’s not done something spontaneous in his life since the time he bought ale instead of cider. “Perfect, so my daft, calculated mate here thinks that if he asks for your number he’ll get rejected. Ridiculous, right?”

Liam chimes out some odd noise that lands somewhere between a laugh and a bird call. It’s some sort of joke- a prank that they were trying to pull on him. He almost doesn’t see that Zayn’s shifting lower in his seat, his head resting in his hand and Louis’ lips have stretched into a larger smile. 

He opens his to talk but the voice that he hears isn’t his own. “‘Course that’d be ridiculous, Liam would be happy to give you his number. Why don’t you run and grab your phone from the back, Liam?” Harry squeezes Liam’s side like he’s trying to bring him back from wherever his mind’s gone.

“Got it righ’ here, actually,” Niall’s at his side now, unlocking Liam’s phone easily and handing it over to Zayn to put his number in before Liam can get a word out.

“Sorted then.” Louis laughs as he spoons soup into his mouth.

***

Liam never keeps his phone on him during work unless he steps out on a break, he always makes sure to chuck it in his small cubby in the back before stepping foot behind the counter. It helps keep him busy and helps keep him stop from getting distracted. That being said, it also keeps him out of the loop of anything that doesn’t revolve around him, Niall and Harry. Liam likes it that way, though. To put it lightly, Liam is socially inept. He can talk to people, and he does, but he lacks interest in most everything his peers seem to care about. He doesn’t care that much for social media sites (surprisingly), he doesn’t care that much for tv, he doesn’t like the same type of music that most people he knows listened to, etc. He’s never found a place that he fits as well as he fits with Niall and Harry and their odd little family. 

And just because he happened to get some lad’s phone number today doesn’t mean that he’s going to change that rule any time soon. The moment he stepped away from Zayn and Louis and Harry and Niall, Liam put his phone right back in his cubby and got some actually work done. 

He’s been laying out on the couch for twenty minutes. They’ve just gotten back off work and his head is still swirling with all sorts of mixed thoughts and emotions. He thumbs his phone unlocked and checks for any messages or missed calls- not that he expects many since he’s spent the whole day with the only people he really talks to besides his mom. There is one from Harry though, a ‘will you please stop hiding in the back room, those guys left. xx’ that has liam blushing as he slants his eyes at the back of Harry’s head from across the room.  
There’s nothing other than that though, so he pulls open twitter and scrolls through his feed until his eyes land on something that makes his heart feel like it’s dropping into his stomach.

@niazkilam: im so embarrassed haha !!

Followed shortly by:

@niazkilam: remind me to never let @thetommo talk in public again x

Liam scrolls away and allows his heart to be digested. He thirst followed someone that goes to the same uni as him. He probably lives near them. He probably never wants to see Liam again. But it doesn’t matter, does it? It shouldn’t. It’s not important. Those boys don’t even know Liam and they probably never will. 

He scrolls back up and clicks on the boy’s profile. His finger’s teasing the unfollow button as a new notification catches his eye. Liam sucks in a breath and click into his DMs.

 

Direct Messages with ⇾ niazkilam 

niazkilam:  
mate!! didn’t mean to freak u out or anything at the cafe, lous an idiot sometimes xx

niazkilam:  
also I messaged u on here cos i didnt want to freak u out in case u didn’t want me havin ur number..

Liam chews on his lip as he types out his reply.

Liam_JPayne:  
no worries xxxxxxxxxxxx

Liam_JPayne:  
you could text me if u wanted.. unless u wanna keep it on twitter

He replies without really thinking about it. He should have thought about it. Zayn probably didn’t even really save his number, he probably just pretended to put it in so Liam wouldn’t feel pitiful as his friends desperately tried to play some version of matchmaker.

Liam closes his twitter out and pockets the phone so he can pull himself from the couch. He was going to sulk alone in his bedroom. But alone never means alone in this apartment and Harry makes it all of five minutes after he got situated in bed before joining Liam.

“You know,” He begins as he invites himself into the room. “I was thinking.”

“There’s your first problem,” Liam mumbles as he rolls onto his side to make room for Harry in the bed. His phone chimes from his pocket.

To: Liam Payne (coffee boy)  
From: Zayn Malik (our friends seem to be the worst)  
Hi, it’s Zayn. Uh. U have my number in ur phone, I forgot. Unless you deleted it right after I put it in.

 

To: Liam Payne (coffee boy)  
From: Zayn Malik (our friends seem to be the worst)  
In that case… Hi, it’s Zayn. Haha.

Liam smiles slightly and replies with

To: Zayn Malik (our friends seem to be the worst)  
From: Liam Payne (coffee boy)  
I see we’re both into leavin notes next to our names, Zayn Malik (our friends seem to be the worst).

To: Zayn Malik (our friends seem to be the worst)  
From: Liam Payne (coffee boy)  
can’t say urs is wrong tho. they r pretty awful. 

“Shut it.” Harry accompanies his words with an expression of mock anger for a moment. “Wait, who are you texting? Is it that boy from the shop? It’s the one from twitter isn’t it? I told you he really wanted your number, didn’t I? You’re a beautiful young man, Liam Payne.” Harry squeals delightfully, bouncing up and down on the bed. “I can’t believe my little Leemo is texting a boy! I should tell Niall to get the camera.”

“Why are you mumming me right now?” Liam raises his voice a bit so it carries through the flat “Niall! Your boyfriend is mumming me again can’t you stop him?” 

“Not my boyfriend!” Niall yells back from the other room, “But listen to wha’ he ‘as to say for a change! He’s probably right about wha’ever it is!”

A soft groan leaves his lips. “One day he’ll admit that you two are a couple. One day. And I’m going to be there with the bloody camera in hand, yeah? Like a proper camera to catch it all. It’ll make history, that day.”

“Moving on from my relationship status and on to yours.” Harry’s body manages to shrink into Liam’s even though he has a good few inches on him. “If you aren’t texting the guy from the shop then you’re daft and I’m angry with you. This’ll be the third bloke you’ve completely blown off since you-know-who, Li. I know it’s not that you don’t find them fit- okay I did at first when it came to Andy because honestly? You could do so much better that the looks of him, but the guy from the cafe today? Whatsit.. Zayn or whatever,” Liam shrugs in response and Harry pushes on, “He was right fit and I know you thought so because that was the bloke from twitter, right? And you’re obviously into him, yeah? So what gives?”

“If I told ye I was textin him would you shut it with the relationship advice?” Harry stares into the wall across from them for a moment before offering a slight shrug. “Well, I am. Ye can look at the texts yourself.” His phone chimes again and he has to unwrap his arm from Harry’s side to check the text.

To: Liam Payne (coffee boy)  
From: Zayn Malik (our friends seem to be the worst)  
guess we are, Liam Payne (coffee boy). mayb one day we’ll be to the point where we change each others names. I kno its wild 2 think but it could happen

To: Zayn Malik (our friends seem to be the worst)  
From: Liam Payne (coffee boy)  
Is that wat 1st base is these days? 

He fights the dopey grin that he feels coming on and moves back towards his conversation with Harry. “I don’t need some fit bloke though, Hazza. Got me boys at home, don’t I? What more could I need?” He buries his face in Harry’s curls, humming softly. His phone chimes in his pocket again but he just snakes his arm around his flatmate’s waist again. “Besides, what would a practical Greek Adonis want with a guy like me?”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Li.” Harry wiggles himself around until his back is flush with Liam’s chest. “You’re wrong. Absolutely. But I’ll drop it.”

They fall quiet after that and Liam doesn’t waste his time falling into a gentle sleep. His body suddenly feels tense and sore and overworked so he welcomes the nap, welcomes Harry curling up beside him. He even welcomes Niall, who pokes his head in to check on Liam before deciding to crawl into the bed on the other side of Harry. It’s too hot, too many people and way too many limbs but it’s comfortable and safe. It’s home. His home. His weird little family. 

He wakes up still curled around his flatmates. The clock on his nightstand is blinking 2:54 AM and he’s wondering how they managed to sleep this long without waking up. The boy yanks his phone from his pocket, one missed text.

To: Liam Payne (coffee boy)  
From: Zayn Malik (our friends seem to be the worst)  
id love to find out what 3rd is :)x

***

Tommo! and 8 others followed you.

“Fantastic,” Liam mumbles around his toothbrush as he shoves his phone into the front pocket of his jeans. It’s been two days since he met Zayn and Louis. Two days of texting Zayn in all of their down time. It still feels like Liam is dreaming the entire thing. He’s remaining wonderfully pessimistic about the entire situation, deciding that Zayn is bored, or that this is some elaborate prank. 

“Wha’?” Niall’s voice questions from the shower, “Did the growt’ supplements work? Go on, let me see then.” He peeks his around the shower curtain and Liam just stares at him. Whoever it was that convinced him living with Niall Horan after college would be a good idea was dead wrong. Absolutely dead wrong and Liam wants to strike them in the back of the head. Niall runs his fingers through his bleached locks as he peers across the room at Liam like he’s waiting for an answer, or for Liam to actually pull his pants down and show him the size of his dick. Again.

“No you daft idi- Wait why would you? Growth supplements? Honestly, Horan, where do you come up with these sorts of things?”

“Wouldn’t do would it? Big enough as is, ‘m sure” Niall leans back into the shower, snapping the curtain closed agian. “Well, ‘m more than sure. See it ‘aven’t I? What’s it t’en? What’s fanstastic?”

“Last time ye seen it, it was in your boyfriend’s mouth innit?” Liam scrubs his toothbrush in circles against his teeth for a moment, leaning to spit before he talked again. “It’s been years. You’re obsessed with my cock, I swear it.”

“Not my boyfriend,” Liam rolls his eyes at that, pushing his toothbrush back into his mouth. “And can we stop bringin’ up the bleedin’ t’reesome we almost had. I’ve nightmares still, ye know?”

He can’t help the laugh that rocks through his body as he shakes his head. He wishes they could stop bringing it up but it seems that at any given moment, one of the three of them was doing just that. It’s a funny story though, not one that you tell mutual friends for family or anyone like that. Just a funny story for the three of them to have and to remember from the night Harry came into their lives.

“So what’s got ye twisted?” Niall asks as he pulls the shower curtain back and steps out. Liam just shrugs, spits toothpaste into the sink and rinses his mouth as Niall dries himself off.

“It’s just, I don’t know. It’s been a few days since Z- Can you please cover yourself before we have this conversation?” His eyes roll slightly and he holds his hand up to block them until he’s certain Niall’s got his towel securely around his waist. “I’m just- y’know. Whatever. I don’t know. We’re just friends. If you can call it that since it’s only been a few days since ye practically forced ‘im to put his number in me phone.”

“Ah, so t’is is about Zayn.”

“No! It’s not- why do you say it like you were expecting it? I don’t..- Shut up!”

“‘m not sayin’ anyt’ing, mate. Except t’at for the two days you’ve managed to find ten new ways t’bring up t’e guy. So what’s it t’is time? He tweet ye again? Text ye? I told ye t’just unfollow him if ye don’t wan’ to be his friend. Or if ye t’ink it’s some kind of joke. Which yer righ’ stupid for by the way.”

“Too easy, innit? ‘Sides, it feels a bit like losin’ if I just did that.” Liam shrugs slightly, “His mate’s just followed me is all. Don’t get why he’d be doin’ that.”

“Maybe- and t’is is just a suggestion, mate- but maybe they want t’get t’know ya? Call me crazy but I t’ink Harry was right, you’re taken t’is all out of context. Don’t see why you’d think t’ey was makin’ fun of ye.”

“‘ve got work, Ni. If you step foot into the cafe, prepare a different topic to talk about, yeah.?”

“If I come to the cafe? It’s like ye don’t even know me, Payno.”

Liam feels like his eyes roll into the back of his head permanently. Maybe he’s acting a bit dramatic regarding the situation but he’s been the butt of jokes too many times in the past to not think the worst of any situation. He sighs a breath of relief as he steps out of his apartment. His phone chimes. He ignores it this time. 

***

It’s the day before his birthday and it’s not a big deal because he’s only turning twenty-one and it’s not like there’s anything special about it in England. Liam’s still excited though, because he hasn’t got to start worrying about school until the second week of September and it’s the last Thursday night of the month which only means one thing: Open Mic Night at the pub he and his roommates frequent. When he says frequent, he means they attend Open Mic Night every month and that’s about all the time they spend there. 

He pulls himself out of bed finally, dragging his feet across the hardwood floors and into the living room. Liam yawns slightly, rubbing his eyes. “What time is it?” His voice is weak and cracks in the middle of his sentence. 

“Roundabouts noon,” Harry says offhandedly, too distracted by something of the like on his computer to bother glancing up at the moment. Liam just shrugs and stretches as another yawn fights his way through his body. He draws it out, turning it into a dramatic falsetto and ending it with an even more dramatic vibrato. He smacks his lips together, resting his hand on his stomach as his feet drag him to the sofa to plop down on Harry’s feet.

 

Harry strains his neck slightly, trying to peer over his laptop screen while staying in the awkward folded up position he’s laying. "There's the birthday boy!" 

"Haz, my birthday's not until tomorrow, you know that." He doesn't bother to try and fight the smile that twists against his lips. Liam isn't one to make a big fuss out of birthdays. Not his at least. He always raises hell when it’s Niall's birthday, and he learned rather quickly that Harry didn't dare let his birthday pass without a bash of wild proportions. Liam swears the boy knows everyone at their uni. Probably in the entire City of London. And if he knows anything about Harry at all, he knows that his friend won't let his birthday pass without-

"Well that didn't stop me from baking a cake today, now did it?" Harry resumes typing immediately after throwing his hand behind him to gesture in the general direction of their kitchen. He'll be on tumblr, him. Probably posting an awkwardly angled, black & white photo of his handy-work for his millions of followers on tumblr. Or replying to messages about said handy work. Or typing out a long post about how good he is at baking. Liam’s blog consisted of too many different things to be classified as a “hipster” blog, like Harry’s was. He wasn’t too strict on what he posted, there were times where he did nothing but aesthetically pleasing photos, and there were times he reblogged about fifty different dog vines in between texts posts that had him wiping tears from his eyes in the wee hours of the morning. Liam’s blog was nothing like Harry’s, which was almost exclusively black and white photos (including a lot of his own) with very few texts posts and nothing that didn’t fit perfectly. Liam liked Harry’s blog well enough, but didn’t get how anyone could have as many followers as Harry did by showing such little personality through his posts. But he was active with talking to his followers, always sending messages back and forth so he just assumes the boy's looks or charm or ability to talk absolutely anybody into doing absolutely anything played a part. 

"Like anyt'ing could keep ye from bakin' for a birt'day," Niall says, emerging from the bathroom with a towel wrapped tightly around his waist and his hair falling in his eyes.

"That's true, that is. I don't think he's got it in him t'stop baking for anything, really. He's got a problem, this one. Do y'remember, Nialler. That time he baked about five dozen cookies durin' exams?"

"'Course I do. Had to 'ave a proper bake sale to get rid of 'em." Niall barks out a laugh suddenly, placing his hand on his stomach and rolling his head back. "Li was tellin' all the music majors t'at they were special, 'n like they had fuckin' pot in 'em. Bought the whole lot of 'em, they did."

There's a gentle whine coming from the couch and Harry closes his laptop as he sits up, "You guys told me you ate all of my cookies." He says with a dramatic pout to his lips that has Liam's eyes rolling in the back of his head and Niall making god awful cooing noises as he crosses the room to the couch. 

"Babe." Niall says gently as he somehow manages to cocoon Harry with his own body, still freshly showered and one hundred percent naked under his towel. "You made five dozen cookies.. Do ye know how many cookies that is? It's uh- um.."

"Sixty" Harry says with a faux sniffle

"It's bleeding' sixty cookies! Not even your two fav'rite growin' boys coulda eaten that many cookies," His fingers dance against Harry's scalp softly, pushing his hair out of the boy's face so he can press a soft kiss on his forehead. "'Sides, Liam doesn't even like oatmeal cookies. He's a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie type o' bloke."

"That's true, I am. Sucker for 'em, really."

Harry’s eyes roll with feigned annoyance, he’s pushing Niall off of him and putting his laptop on the coffee table simultaneously, “You two are nuisances.” He stands, folding his arms across his chest and peering down at the others. “And you’re lucky it’s Liam’s birthday or I’d have a go at you both.”

“My birthday is tomor-” Liam’s ribs receive a friendly introduction from Niall’s elbow as the boy cuts him off. 

“You’re righ’, Harry. Very lucky.” Niall chimes and suddenly Liam’s extremely tired of him always saying exactly wants Harry wants to hear, especially since it’s the exact opposite of the teasing that Liam loves to deliver.

“Whatever, anyway. Are we still going to Open Mic Night or are we going to blow tradition away since my birthday is relatively soon?” Liam questions, propping his feet on the table in front of him. 

“Are you going to let Niall and I record you finally performing an original song and put it on youtube?” Harry retorts, his arms still folded over his chest but his expression is softer.

“Depends. Are you ever going to give up on that?”

“Not a chance,”

“Then I don’t have much of a choice, do I you bloody knobhead?”

Niall cheers, cupping his hand on Liam’s shoulder firmly with a doofy grin on his face. “Tha’s brilliant, Payno! You’re gonna smash it,” Harry’s smiling too and Liam returns it to each of them before standing back up from the couch. “And I’ll be righ’ there, mate. Catchin’ it all on camera. Oi, we oughta set ‘im up wit’ his own channel before we leave.” He’s cooing again, aiming it at Liam this time. “Me baby boy’s just all grown up and lettin’ people listen to his work, he is.” He reaches to pinch Liam’s cheek before pressing his lips against them.

“You’re both ridiculous,” He says, shaking his head as he makes his way into the kitchen. “You act like I never let anyone listen to me perform. I perform all the time, you wankers. Have you forgotten the like.. ten different productions I’ve been in since we’ve met, Niall? And Harry we sing all the time. And I’ve done videos with you guys.” He eye’s the cake on the counter for a moment, still talking. “You’re jus’ blowin’ it out of proportion, yeah?” His finger swipes against the chocolate frosting, slowly gathering a bit so he can get a taste. 

“Yes but you’ve let us listen to maybe two originals. It’s different than just performing covers, it’s a big step. I’ll have you know that we aren’t overrea- Liam James get your fingers out of that cake right this minute!” Liam raises the finger covered in chocolate to his mouth, licking the frosting from his finger obscenely while locking his eyes with Harry. “Barbarian!” He shouts, turning on his heels to march into his and Niall’s room with a laugh hidding in his hand.

Liam laughs, scooping another bit of frosting onto his finger before crossing back over to the living room. “Nialler, why’s your boyfriend so dramatic about damn near everything?”

“Oi! He’s not m-”

“Your boyfriend, I get it.” Liam shifts slightly, leaning his head onto the back of the sofa. He knows that Harry’s not mad, and if he is than he’s not that mad and he’ll be over it in like five minutes when he remembers something cool he wanted to tell Liam or gets bored with sulking in his room alone. Besides, it’s Liam’s birthday. That’s a rule, you can’t get mad at birthday boys on their birthday. Even though Liam’s wasn’t actually until tomorrow. “You know, for someone who tries his hardest to make sure everyone around you caters to Harry’s needs, you sure do a sloppy job of it yourself.”

Niall gasps like he’s offended, his hand resting against his chest. “Beg your pardon, I think I do jus’ fine wit’ his needs, Payno.” His eyebrows wag slightly, causing Liam to make a gagging noise.

“No you wanker, I mean the fact that you’re completely oblivious to the fact that he’s madly in love with you and is pretty much your boyfriend.” Liam’s shoulders fall in a shrug. “Probably makes him mad when ye keep sayin’ he’s not, you know.” Maybe he spends most of his time trying to gather some sort of rise out of Harry, but that doesn’t mean that he would ever want the boy to actually feel upset. Harry means the world to Liam, just like Niall. They were his best mates. And maybe they both felt like labeling whatever it was that they had would ruin it but if they didn’t sort themselves out soon it’d get ruined anyway. Nothing last forever and all that. “I mean, you share a fuckin’ bed.” He says, “Like. Everynight. Have for about two years now.” Liam shrugs again, not knowing what else to do with his tired body. “Just seems like you lot are bein’ a bit dumb if ye ask me.”

“Noted, but no one asked did they?” Niall jokes, a smile spread across his lips as he shoves against Liam’s shoulder “Besides, ‘m not the oblivious one on t’is sofa, Li.” 

“And that means what exactly?”

Niall pauses for a moment, his eyes bouncing all over Liam’s face as if he’s trying to get a read on him. Trying to decide if he should continue on with the subject or not before talking again. “Nothin’, Payno. Nothin’ at all.” He pauses again as he pushes himself off of the couch and heads towards the door to his and Harry’s room. “By the way, ‘ave you texted Zayn back lately?”

Liam shoots him a confused look, turning it to a glare as he sees the shit eating grin that’s plastered on Niall’s face.

“Ah, didn’t think so.” He laughed, pushing open the door, “Get ready you oblivious buffoon. We’re ‘avin cake for breakfas’ and then we’re gonna run t’rough whatever song you picked for tonight’”

***

The pubs already crowded when they get there but Niall manages to find them a booth just to the left of the stage and order them all pints in the first five minutes. There’s someone performing already. A couple, Liam assumes, singing a slightly off-key duet of an Ariana Grande song he hears on the radio a lot. And then there’s a kid that looks like he can’t be older than fifteen climbing on stage, and he belts out a song that Liam’s sure he knows, but can’t quite place the name of and it has Liam clapping by the end of it. And then there’s a woman who sits cross-legged on a stool in the middle of the stage with an acoustic guitar and does a beautiful original song that has the entire pub falling silent as she sings. And then Harry and Niall are next, and they’re covering Lucky by Jason Mraz and Liam claps, because they’re bloody amazing and their voices sound amazing together, but honestly has to keep himself from rolling his eyes at how cliche they can be sometimes. And then there’s two more people who’re meant to go on before Liam and suddenly his chest is feeling tight and his palms are sweaty (theres vomit on his sweater alrdy moms pASkETTI) and he’s having second thoughts because he’s never done this without Niall and Harry. And what if he absolutely crashes and burns on his own. And maybe he’s being dramatic but there’s a bead of sweat on his brow and he can’t slow his breathing back down and what if he can’t gather himself before going on stage.

Liam pushes up from his seat, standing awkwardly over the table for a moment, leaning onto it like he might collapse and needs it to keep upward.

“Li, you alright?” Harry asks, his hand coming to rest on Liam’s where he’s gripping the table for support. His voice is gentle and knowing and it nearly makes Liam’s knees give out right then.

“Bathroom,” He mumbles in return, pushing away from the table to give himself a slight boost in the direction of the men’s room.

Liam leans over the sink the moment he pushes through the bathroom. His stomach is in knots and he could probably throw up if he let himself think about it for too long.

“You can do this, Liam.” He reassures himself. “You’ve played this song a million times. You can do it.” He takes a shaky breath in and sturdies himself with one hand firmly on the sink’s basin, the other reaches to turn the water on. He leans down, cupping some water in his hand to splash over his face.

“You know-” Liam startles at the sound of the voice, “you’re in here freaking out when you should just be out there smashin’ it, mate.” 

Liam turns towards the voice, his eyes meeting with eyes the color of tea when you first add milk, he clears his throat. “Are you stalking me?”

Zayn laughs, shaking his head before gesturing towards the urinals, “Just comin’ to piss, mate. Not like I knew you’d be in here.”

Liam shrunk closer to the sink with a weak, apologetic smile on his face. He really was freaking out over this performance. “Sorry- I.. I’m kinda doing this open mic thing on my own for the first time.”

“I know,” Zayn laughs, “I mean, I’m really not following you, but I’ve seen you and Niall and Harry perform before. I didn’t realize it was you guys- I never really pay much attention to open mic night, if I’m honest.”

“Why do you come to them, then?” 

“Lou tends the bar, yeah? I’m proper always in this pub with him.” Zayn replied with a fond smile, offering Liam a slight shrug.

“Bit like Niall and the coffee shop, I s’pose.” His eyebrows knit together, and for a brief second he caught himself confused as to why a conversation with Zayn was coming so easy when the last time he was in this boy’s presence he made a proper arse out of himself. 

“Yeah, bit like that.” Zayn offers Liam a shrug, scratching his fingers against the shaved parts of his hair. His lips tug into a smile, flashing his teeth.

“I should, um- probably get out there, nearly my time.” 

“Yeah- yeah I guess so.” Zayn turns to grab the door, pulling it open for Liam. When Liam tries to step around him, Zayn catches his arms. Their eyes meet and for a second, Liam feels like he might melt. “Good luck, Payne. And uh-” He lets go of Liam’s arm, “Sorry if I ever came on too strong.” He lets a slight laugh “Been told I’ve a bad habit of it,”

Liam licks his lips, shaking his head slightly “Don’t worry about it, don’t think I was being fair to ye in the first place.”

Zayn nods, “I mean, I wasn’t goin’ to say anything but you were a bit unfair.”

“Sorry?” Liam tries a smile, the tightness that was in his chest when he entered the bathroom had since disappeared. The weight of the evening no longer hanging over him. He clears his throat, “Friends?”

Zayn sucks air in through his teeth, “I don’t know, maybe. I’ve a pretty tight schedule, hard to make friends.”

Liam rolls his eyes, moving to step out of the bathroom door now. “Yeah? It’s exhausting to skip responsibilities and eat take away all the time huh, Niazkilam?.”

“Now who’s stalking who?” Zayn retorts, his eyebrows raising defiantly

“And now we have Liam Payne performing an original song!”

“Right. Shit, here I go then.” 

***

“Uh,” Liam’s sitting on a stool in the middle of the stage and there’s a few lights directed at him and he can barely make anyone in the room out. His fingers strum gently against the guitar’s strings, checking to see if it’s in tune properly. “Right, well. Like he said, I’m Liam Payne. And I’ll be doing a song I wrote not too long ago.” He clears his throat, leaning away from the microphone for a moment to take a deep breath. His eyes close as he plucks the first note, and then the next and so on. 

“....I’m like a crow on a wire, you’re the shining distraction that makes me fly home….”

***

“Has he ever done this before?” Zayn asks as he makes his way to where Niall and Harry are sitting. His eyes are trained on Liam, watching the way he croons the lyrics.

“....I’m the first to admit that I’m reckless, I get lost in your beauty and I can’t see two feet in front of me…”

Niall shakes his head, waving a hand at Zayn before holding his finger to his lips. The blond’s holding a camera and focusing it on Liam so Zayn just takes a seat next to Harry, leaning in closer. “Did he really write this?”

“....And yeah I’ve let you use me from the day that we first met but I’m not done yet… Falling for your fool’s gold….”

Harry nods, leaning in so his whispered reply doesn’t get caught in Niall’s video footage. “Went through a pretty shit break up a few months back. She cheated on him, he’s written a few songs about it.” The boy mumbles and Zayn wonders briefly if Liam would have a problem with Harry sharing this kind of information, but he does it so willingly that he let’s it pass through his mind. 

“Will y’lot quiet down? ‘m tryin’ t’get this on video!” Niall speaks to them in a hushed whisper, leaning as far away as he can from his camera and Zayn just nods in response, turning his attention back to Liam and his voice.

“....And I knew that you turned it on for everyone you met, but I don’t regret falling for your foo-ool’s gold….”

Liam’s ending the song now, a few gentle ‘ooohs’ thrown in to fill the void until he strums the last note on his guitar and Zayn watches him intently as he nods towards the applauding crowd and ducks his head as he steps off of stage. 

 

***

“There he is!” Niall beams as Liam steps up to the bar, he’s got a camera turned towards Liam and he’s got the type of smile on his face that only Niall can deliver. “Our little boy, all grown up ain’t he, Haz!”

Harry turns to face them then, putting a hand on Niall’s shoulder and tossing a smile in Liam’s direction, “That he is, Ni. That he is! Look at him, just off stage from his first performance as Liam Payne, singer song-writer. Doing his own things. I just hope he remembers who raised him when he’s big and famous.” Harry places his hand over his chest before wiping a faux tear from his eyes in a dramatic attempt to play the proud parent. They were both very good at pretending Liam wasn’t the eldest.

Liam just shakes his head and shoves his hand in the camera’s lens as he moves past them, making it so he can lean against the bar instead of stand awkwardly behind everyone. Niall kept on filming, moving the camera around so he could pan across the pub’s crowd, which has already grown even more since the open mic had ended and then he turned it towards Liam again, saying something about him being extremely grumpy at all times for absolutely no reason.

He put on a smile (because he wasn’t grumpy at all) and waved at the camera, giving Niall exactly what he wanted in order to get him to put the camera down and focus on their night again. But whether or not Niall put the camera up for the rest of the night, Liam knew that this was all still getting edited into some sort of video. If Niall went as far as making an actual youtube channel for Liam, he didn’t know, but he did know that it’d at least be cut, edited and uploaded to Niall’s page.

“Oi, oi! Is that the birf’day boy down there I see?” Chimes a voice that Liam feels is familiar, but can’t place quite. “It is!” Liam turns now to see the bartender placing three cups of dark liquid down in front of Liam and the boys with a toothy grin and a proud look on his face. Oh, that’s right. Louis tends the bar. But he and Louis were hardly friends so as to why he was talking to him as if they had known each other for awhile was beyond Liam.

“Uh, right. My birthday’s n-”

“Not until tomorrow,” Niall and Harry interrupt in unison as they reach forward to take the drinks Louis’ offered them.

“Well that’s a known fact innit, Liam? ‘ave you forgotten that I see most of your tweets? This whole week’s been nothin’ but ‘oh i’m turning twenty-one this weekend.’ ‘I can’t believe my birthday is on friday!’ ‘can’t wait to celebrate with the boys thursday’” Louis repeats Liam’s tweets in this mock high pitched voice with some lewd, posh accent thrown over it like he’s trying to mock the bloody queen but it has Liam’s cheeks turning an embarrassing shade of pink nonetheless. “S’nothin’ wrong wit’ people wishin’ ya a happy birthday, Liam. Lighten up you bleedin’ stick in the mud.” Louis pushes the cup he had mixed closer to Liam, nodding down at it with a grin stretching against his lips.

“Don’t drink it if ye don’t like rum an’ coke, tha’s all he can bloody mix up,” Liam doesn’t struggle to recognize Zayn’s voice like he struggled with Louis’. It’s as if it’s permanently embedded in his mind even though the two have had maybe two conversations in person. Liam just leans backwards, turning his head in the general direction of the voice and flashing a wide smile. 

“Happy t’drink it. Tastes like vanilla.” He states, raising the cup in a slight “cheers” fashion before taking a long swig.

“Doesn’t surprise me at all. You probably like three sugars in your tea as well.” Behind the bar, Louis makes a slight gagging noise and Liam’s cheeks heat again. Nothing’s wrong with liking your drinks a bit on the sweet side, and Liam’s never been one for the taste of alcohol. He looks over the brim of his cup at Zayn, who’s having a silent conversation with Louis which causes Louis to bend down for a glass, a few ice cubes and a bottle of liquid hell- vodka.

Liam crinkles his nose as he watches Louis fill the cup and pass it forward for Zayn to catch and then watches as the dark-haired boy down the liquid in one swallow. Liam decides that the entire moment sums Zayn up perfectly. Well maybe not Zayn, but the way that he wants people to see him at least. The way niazkilam would want to be seen. As he takes another sip from his drink his thoughts linger on what Zayn was really like and if maybe (just maybe) Liam pegged him wrong from the start. He downs the rest of his rum and coke instead of letting his eyes linger on the way Zayn’s tongue swipes his lips to gather the remaining vodka from them.

Louis pours out another rum and coke without Liam having to ask and half way through it, Niall and Harry finally joined them at the bar. Niall’s lips plump and kissed and Harry’s hair tousled and not in the way that showed Harry had spent the thirty minutes he usually spent in the mornings. He shook his head slightly, watching as they joined the group perfectly. Niall immediately being able to strike up conversation like he’s been friends with Zayn and Louis for his entire life, Harry joins in shortly after and once he lets out a few poorly worded jokes, Liam tunes the conversation out to nurse his drink.

With another drink down Liam thinks about how he really doesn’t know Zayn, how everything that Liam did know about him was just wild assumptions that Liam had gathered from his constant hours of reading the boy’s twitter even as he had multiple texts from him sitting unread in his inbox. His lips drop into a slight frown, thinking on the way he shut Zayn out completely. In retrospect it was dramatic. Unecessary. Impulsive. Idiotic. He had spent weeks practically drooling over this man and to have him just standing in front of him and giving Liam attention that Liam didn’t think he deserved from someone that looked like Zayn. Liam knits his eyebrows together as he stares down at the empty cup in his hand. Maybe it’s the alcohol in his system talking and making him think about what could have been. Liam always has been a bit of a lightweight. 

“Earth t’Payno?” It’s Niall’s voice and hand waving in front of his that snaps him out of thoughts and turns his attention back to the conversation the other four boys are having. 

“Huh? Oh. I’m- yes, what?” He looks up to find all four sets of eyes on him, causing him to stiffen up a little.

“Louis was just asking if we wanted to go out with them, you know. For your birthday.”

Liam looks around, his eyebrows pulling together again. “We are out,” he gestures to the rest of the pub.

“No ye bleedin’ idiot, proper out. Clubs not pubs.” Niall replies.

“Clubs not pubs!” Harry cheers, raising his glass.

“Clubs not pubs!” Louis joins from behind the bar (of a pub).

Liam turns to Zayn now, raising his eyebrows in a silent plea to be the one person on his side. Zayn crooks his lips into a smirk and offers Liam a wink as he raises his glass. “Clubs not pubs, Leeeeeyum.” And Liam tries not to groan at his drawl of the vowels of Liam’s name out.

***

If Liam thought the pub was crowded, it’s nothing compared to how the club that they stumbled into is. This place is packed wall to wall and Liam can’t make a move without someone’s body rubbing up against his. It’s not that he didn’t enjoy partying, because he does, he’s just used to house parties off campus or the relaxing environment of a pub on the weekend. He’s carrying five different drinks in his arms and just trying to find the table against the wall in the back corner that everyone had managed to make it to before Louis volunteered Liam to get their third round of drinks. On his birthday (day before, but still). 

The bass of the music is thumping so hard that Liam can feel it in his fingers, up his arms and through his chest. It makes each step feel wobbly and with all of the people pressing against him he’s starting to think there’s no way he’ll ever get back to the table. 

“Looks like y’could use some help, mate.” The smooth voice tickles against the skin of his neck as the owner leans into Liam from behind and for the first time since they met, Liam’s stomach doesn’t twist itself into a knot at Zayn’s presence. 

“You’re a right god send, Malik.” Liam turns to face him, his body getting pressing undesirably close as club-goers surrounding them continue to dance as if there isn’t someone carrying five cups way too full of alcohol. 

“Been told that a few times,” The boy’s tongue darts out to wet his lip as he glances slightly up through his eyelashes to meet Liam’s eyes. 

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me at all.” And then Liam’s blushes at his words and shakes his head a bit, “I mean you’re just- y’know.”

“A god send?” There’s a teasing tone in his voice that mixes well with his accent and Liam almost wants to sit and listen to the way every word from Zayn’s mouth sounds like something he’s never heard of. Zayn smiles like he knows exactly what’s running through Liam’s mind and suddenly he remembers why he ran away from him in the first place. 

“Right, well. Best t’get these to the lads, yeah?” Liam clears his throat slightly, hands off two of the cups to Zayn and continues pushing their way through the crowd. 

***

“Right, here we go then,” Liam says as he sits the drinks down, making sure that each boy has one in front of them before dropping into his seat next to Niall. He takes a long drink from the straw in his cup as Zayn plops down next to him but keeps his eyes focused across the table where Louis is chatting up some bird.

“Who’s that?” Liam asks, leaning towards Niall but his question’s answered by Zayn who clearly knows more about Louis than Niall does.

“That’s Eleanor, Lou’s girlfriend.” 

“She’s righ’ fit,” Niall adds, raising his glass to his lips.

“And taken, Niall.” Harry reminds him, his eyebrows pinching together and Liam knows that look. The ‘We Aren’t Dating But It’s Kind Of Annoying When You Hit On People In Front Of Me’ look. 

“Yeah, but m’not.” 

Harry’s drawn out sigh has no trouble being heard over the thump thump thump of the music. Liam shoots him an apologetic smile but it does little to sooth the crease that’s deepened between the other boy’s eyebrows so Liam reaches over and swats Niall in the back of the head.

“Wa’chu do tha’ for?!” Niall cups the back of his head, rubbing his fingers over it soothingly.

“Because you’re an idiot.” Is his simple reply and it’s true. Niall is a fucking idiot sometimes. 

“What’s goin’ on here then lads?” Louis turns back around to face the table, clearly confused by the shouting that just occurred. He’s got the girl, Eleanor, in his lap now and Liam catches himself watching how she keeps linking their fingers together then sliding them apart only to repeat again. And again. And again. 

“The blond one thinks he’s got a shot wit’ El, Liam whacked ‘im for it.” says Zayn with a slight shrug like he’s been around Niall and Liam for years and knows that Liam hits Niall when he’s acting like an idiot. 

Eleanor lets out a laugh and covers her mouth shortly after but not before Niall lets it get under his skin and he slouches slightly in his chair, folding his arms with a slight huff.

“Aw, don’t take it personal laddy. She’s quite the looker, isn’t she? Damn faithful though.” Louis presses his lips to Eleanor’s shoulder, mumbling against her skin. “If I let meself worry about all the blokes she caught the eye of, I’d have gone gray from stress by now.”

Eleanor lets out another laugh and leans into Louis’ chest, turning to whisper something in his ear. If Liam felt sick when he had to be around Niall and Harry acting like a couple, it was nothing compared to how he feels being near Louis and Eleanor being a couple. Maybe he was just bitter. He grabs his drink, downing it in two swallows instead of setting up camp in his thoughts.

“Lost me manners, haven’t I? Proper introductions: lads and Liam, this is Eleanor,” Louis gestures to the girl in his lap and she waves, a small smile across her face. “Eleanor, this is Niall, Barry, Birthday Boy Liam and then you know that wanker.”

“It’s Harry!” Harry says defensively, folding his arms across his chest with a pout.

“Right, Gary.” The way Louis’ tongue presses against his teeth as he smiles let’s Liam know he’s enjoying taunting Harry as much as Liam does.

The beat to the song transitions into something new and Liam can feel the familiarity in the bass before he can hear it. His face lights up as he turns to face Harry only to find Harry smiling back. 

“May I have this dance, Li?” He says, rising from his chair and offering Liam his hand with a slight bow.

“You may.” Liam reaches down to grab Niall’s glass before raising it to his lips and downing the remaining substance despite Niall’s protests and then Harry’s pulling Liam back through the crowded dance floor before he can do much of anything else.

“THIS HIT, THAT ICE COLD, MICHELLE PFEIFFER, THAT WHITE GOLD!” Harry shouts above the noise of everyone else as he starts jumping to the rhythm of the song.

It’s the alcohol that’s pulsing through Liam’s veins that makes him shout the next line right back, but he’s got his hands clasped on Harry’s hips and they’re jumping in unison along with the majority of the people around them and for a moment Liam forgets where he is and why he always feels so anxious about tonight and why he isn’t just letting go and having fun. So he does.

And then he continues to.

***  
“Alrigh’ there, Liam?” Zayn asks, catching Liam by the hips as he’s trying to stumble back into the crowd from the bathroom.

“Me? I’m- I’m great, Zayn. What about you? Are you alright? What’s your favorite color?” Liam’s hands raise to grasp either side of Zayn’s face as he talks, a wide, dopey grin stretching across his face. 

Liam can see the confusion in Zayn’s face but he can’t remember what he said to put it there. The look still makes him want to pull back, close in around himself but he doesn’t. Mostly because the alcohol in his system is making it impossible to move his feet. Instead, he runs his fingers against Zayn’s jaw, letting the stubble scratch against the calloused pads of Liam’s fingers before he drops his hands down to rest on the boy’s waist. Zayn’s saying something and Liam would have missed that altogether if he wasn’t putting all of his focus on the boy’s lips. But he is, so he asks him to repeat himself. And then asks again. Then again after that because he can’t get his ears to focus and his eyes refuse to make out the shapes that Zayn’s mouth is forming.

“Gotten yourself pretty drunk, huh, mate?” Zayn asks instead of answering Liam’s questions for the fourth time.

“Might’ve done, yeah.” He hopes that the redness the alcohol has already decorated his skin with is enough to cover the heated blush that rises against Liam’s cheeks. “Why aren’t you drunk too it’s not fun if it’s only me!”

Zayn’s thumb rubs a slight circle into Liam’s hip as he let out a soft chuckle, “Wouldn’t say you’re the only one, Niall and Harry are pretty gone. Caught ‘em snoggin’ in the corner when I was lookin’ for you.”

Liam feels dizzy, intoxicated and it takes him a second to remember he’s under the influence of more than just Zayn. But it’s not the same feeling as being drunk. It’s more than that. He’s breathless and dizzy, it feels like falling. Like the ground under him as collapsed and he’s falling with it. He’s knows that’s silly, knows that his feet are planted firmly and he’s standing upright and Zayn’s body is inches from his, his thumbs pressing into Liam’s hips as he moves even closer as he speaks. He knows this because there’s some part in his mind begging him to pull away from the other boy, his feet continue to stand their ground. They dig in, plant themselves deeper like they’re cemented. 

“That sounds fun,” He replies absently, his eyelids fluttering a bit lower.

“Snogging?” Liam nods, swiping his tongue against his lips.

“Yeah, snogging.” His mouth twitches into his attempt of a smirk. 

“Could work something out.” Zayn’s grip on Liam’s hips tightens slightly before he lets go completely, taking a step back. “I’m sure someone in here’s your type.”

“You’re an idiot,” Liam mumbles but the smile on his face pushes away any ounce of animosity in his voice.

“Think so?”

“Nah.” Liam watches the smirk spread across Zayn’s lips in amazement. They’re slightly chapped, but something about them still looks soft and Liam finds himself thinking (not for the first time) about how they’d feel against his own lips. It happens in the moment he hesitates just before leaning in to take that first leap, take that lunge that sober Liam could never have the courage to do. Liam can hear his name being shouted somewhere behind Zayn. Niall, Harry and, surprisingly, Louis emerge from the crowd and make their way to where they two boys are standing. Liam clears his throat, taking a step away from Zayn, his hands finally leaving the boy’s waist as he does so.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAYNO!” Niall shouts, slapping Liam on the shoulder. 

“Yeah, Li. Finally your birthday! How’s it feel to be the big two-one?” Asks Harry as pulls LIam in for a hug. 

If Liam’s honest, turning twenty-one feels a lot like having his friends interrupt the first chance at kissing Zayn he’s gotten. He’s not honest, “Feels- well, bit like twenty but with the knowledge that I could drink in the states if I wanted to, yeah?”

“Well that’s the spirit then, innit!” Louis chimed, clasping his hands together, “How about another round of shots? My treat for the birthday boy!” 

Liam allows Louis to tug him under his arm and through the crowd to the bar because in the small amount of time they’ve spent together, Liam’s learned that he’s not able to say no to the smaller boy. He let Louis buy them all a round, then he let Niall pay for the next, then Harry and when Zayn decided to sit out of the next round, Louis ordered up another.

***

Hearing “GOOD MORNING, BIRTHDAY BOY!” shouted from Niall and Harry in unison is how Liam wakes up the next day and he responds by tearing a pillow from under his head and throwing it in the general direction of their voices. His head feels like it’s about to explode and his tongue feels heavy, dry and scratchy like sandpaper. 

“Wha’s this then? Liam James Payne bringin’ someone home wit’ him? And I t’ought you left the club before the rest of us so you could get some shut eye.” Liam peaks his eyes open with a groan, unsure of what the hell Niall is talking about. He spots the blond first, standing in his doorway with his camera in hand and recording and Harry’s trying to get him to turn the camera off but for some reason there’s something about Liam’s position that has Niall unable to stop recording or stop laughing. 

One of Liam’s arms is asleep and as he tries to raise it to get the blood flow back, that’s when he finds out exactly why his flatmate’s still standing in his bedroom door with a camera fixated on his bed. 

Liam’s arm is curled under the small frame of Zayn, his dark hair contrasting dramatically with the white sheets of Liam’s bed. He can’t remember coming home from the club, he can’t remember bringing Zayn with him, he can’t remember stripping down and climbing into bed with him or- oh god. Panic spreads over Liam quickly, he uses his free hand to pull back the covers staring down at his bare chest and boxer-clad lower body. He’s about to check Zayn’s clothing situation when he notices a bright orange sticky note stuck in the sheets. 

‘We didn’t have sex :)’ it reads and Liam lets out a sigh of relief, his moment of clarity only interrupted by Harry saying ‘Jesus, Niall- let the boy live!’ before pulling him out and shutting the door behind them. For some reason, that’s what finally wakes Zayn.

“Why’s your flat so bleedin’ loud in the morning” Liam has to stop himself from whining at the raspy grogginess in Zayn’s voice as the boy pulls the duvet over his head and rolls to face Liam, his eyes still screwed shut.

“Not a morning person, sunshine?” He gets a drawn out groan in response. “Definitely not a morning person.” It falls quiet again and Liam listens to Zayn’s breathing as it evens out and becomes a gentle snore. Liam works his arm out from under the boy’s body and tries his best to maneuver out of bed without causing too much movement. Pulls on a pair of beat up sweats that he grabs off his floor and slips out of his room as silently as he can. 

“Want to explain why there’s a man in your bed, Liam James?” Harry’s got his hands on his hips, eyebrows cocked up and he’s mom-ing Liam again, something he’s fallen into the habit of doing more often than Liam would like.

Liam would explain, if he had an explanation. But since he doesn’t remember anything after showing up to the club last night, he just offers Harry a shrug and drags his feet all the way to the kitchen to put the kettle on. “Nothin’ to tell, mum.”

“‘Nothin’ to tell,’ He says.” Harry turns to Niall with a face that reads ‘Can You Believe Our Son Is Lying To Us?’ “That’s rubbish. Why didn’t you tell us last night Zayn was coming home with you, Li? We wouldn’t have barged in this morning if you had.”

“Tha’s not completely true, I’d’ve barged in either way.” Nialls adds, shoving a piece of buttered toast in his mouth. 

Liam shoulders past him with a roll of his eyes, stepping into the kitchen and taking in all the food sitting on the counter, “What’s all this then?”

“Oh, right. I was gonna cook up a full english for your birthday.” Harry replies sheepishly as he steps around Liam to pull a few pots and pans out. “Niall’s on toast duty but he just keeps eating it.”

“Right, well that’s what you get for lettin’ him in the kitchen, mate.”

***

It takes them less than an hour to get breakfast cooked up and served out which is kind of incredible considering all that goes into a fry-up. Liam’s pouring teas, since he’s permanently assigned the tea-and-coffee-maker of the house, when he remembers that Zayn’s sleeping in his bed still. 

The boy grabs an extra mug from the back of the cupboard along with the box of English Breakfast and gets it steeping before taking Niall and Harry their cups. “Here you go, boys. Made to order just how y’like it.” Niall’s with three sugars, Harry’s with one and just a bit of milk. “Back in a mo’” He says, carrying the third mug of tea towards his bedroom. The tea’s just black with one sugar because that’s one of the most vivid things Liam can remember from the first day he and Zayn met. He nudges his bedroom door open with his hip, crosses the room and places the tea on the night stand. He contemplates just leaving Zayn asleep, the tea growing cold on where it sits and waiting for him to wake up on his own but at the last minute he changes his mind. 

Liam cautiously leans over Zayn, pressing the back of his hand to the boys’ cheek and stroking as gently as possible. “Zayn…” The boy doesn’t stir, so Liam just continues moving his hand. “Zayn, c’mon mate. Fried up a full english and there’s room at the table for ye.”

He let’s out a frustrated sigh, climbing over Zayn’s body and dropping into his bed. He causes it to shake a little, the motion stirring Zayn into consciousness long enough for the touch of Liam’s hands as they push the boy’s raven hair from his face to cause his eyes to open. 

“Li?” He says and the grogginess is in his voice again, “What bloody time is it?”

“Breakfast time, I made you a cuppa. We’ve got a fry-up in the kitchen if you’re hungry too.” Zayn nods slightly, sitting up and Liam follows his movement. “The tea’s on the nightstand, I left it black with one sugar ‘cos I think that’s how you take it.”

Zayn’s fingers curl around the handle of the mug as he pulls it to his face. He let’s the steam brush against his skin for a moment as he breathes in the aroma. The boy hums a gentle reply to Liam before taking a sip and letting his lips creep up into a smile. “‘s perfect. Good morning, Li”

“Morning,” He clears his throat awkwardly. Li. He keeps calling him that and Liam wishes that the nickname coming from Zayn wasn’t enough to turn his insides to mush but here he is, full of mush and watching Zayn’s adam’s apple bottom as he takes drinks from the tea that Liam’s just delivered him. In bed. In Liam’s bed.

“Whatever you’re eating out there smells great, by the way..”

“Got a full fry-up.” Liam’s smile crooks and he watches as the other boy’s eyes skim over it. “Plenty of room for you at the table.”

“Does it involve beans on toast?” Zayn asks in a small voice before taking another drink from his mug.

“‘Course it does. I’m gonna let you in on a secret, arligh’?” Zayn nods, pulling his eyebrows together as Liam drops his voice to a whisper. “I feel sexiest when I’m eating beans on toast.”

 

***

"So, Zayn. What brings you to Liam's bedroom this morning?" Harry asks, peering over the brim of his mug and Liam nearly chokes on his sausage as he does. 

Zayn's eyebrows crinkle as he glances over at Liam, like he's worried, like he's checking on the boy. "Uh, Liam was pretty far gone last night if I'm honest. Didn't quite want 'im wanderin' off on his own. Proper whined until I agreed to stay."

Niall and Harry coo in unison, causing Liam to slink down in his chair to avoid all of their eyes. He lets his eyes fall on Zayn, who's smiling along with Liam's flatmates and laughing slightly around his bite of toast. Their eyes meet for a moment and Liam's suddenly very warm. There's a kindness in Zayn's eyes that you wouldn't expect to see from someone covered in tattoos and scars and calluses and Liam feels like melting out of embarrassment and happiness at the same time. 

"Well t'ank you for gettin' our boy home safely, Malik. You're a righ' saint." Chimes Niall, raising his mug in a cheersing fashion. 

Zayn raises his mug in response, followed by Harry and with one sideway smile from Zayn, Liam joins them with a groan. 

***

Zayn stays through breakfast, then through the cake that Harry serves and he sings Happy Birthday to Liam with the others. Then he joins Liam on the couch, sitting with his legs pressed against him as Harry and Niall curl up on their other side. 

Niall had put in Toy Story before asking anyone what movie they wanted to watch because it's Liam's favorite and the two of them always watch it on his birthday (for the last like - million years or something). Even though the boys have seen it a million times, Liam still gets engrossed in every scene. He still gets watery at the eyes when Woody feels like he's losing Andy. He still laughs at Mrs. Nesbit. He still holds on to the image of a round-faced, awkward Liam sitting down to watch it the first time with his sisters.

Liam is so distracted by the movie that he hardly notices when Harry and Niall get off the couch and head towards their room to do whatever it is they do. He also doesn't notice that Zayn takes this opportunity to stretch out across the sofa and sink down so he's laying against Liam's chest, or even that he’s slung his own arm to wrap around Zayn as they watch. 

Liam hardly even notices when Zayn's breath evens out as his fingers dip under the hem of Liam's shirt to brush against his abdomen. It just feels natural, like its something that happens everyday for him. Maybe it's because he's so used to having his roommates fall asleep all over him, or maybe he's realizing there's no reason to be on edge around Zayn. Things are just comfortable. It feels natural when Liam's hand rubs gentle circles against Zayn's arm and when he adjusts them so Liam's laying down a bit too and Zayn's stretched completely across his torso and when he pulls the throw blanket from the back of the couch and tosses it over them. 

Liam's phone vibrates in his pocket about twenty minutes after Zayn falls asleep and he struggles to get it from his pocket without disturbing the sleeping boy curled against him. 

@thetommo: @Liam_JPayne only gonna ask once did u kill zayn

Liam lets out the quietest laugh he can manage and starts to type out a response as his phone vibrates with a another Twitter notification. 

@nialljhoran: @thetommo @Liam_JPayne he might've done! last time I checked he was just layin lifeless on the couch mate

Liam's phone buzzes again and he can hear Harry's giggles from behind their bedroom door

@Harold_Styles: @nialljhoran @thetommo @Liam_JPayne looks proper dead if you ask me 

And Harry, bless him, attaches a picture to his tweet. One that he must have taken as he crossed through the living room to the kitchen for something to drink and it causes a blush to spread across Liam's cheeks as he looks at it. 

@thetommo: @Harold_Styles @nialljhoran @Liam_JPayne proper sleeping beauty he is! you gonna wake him up with a kiss Leemo?

Niall barks a laugh from his room and Liam’s face burns more red than he thought possible. 

@nialljhoran: THIS JUST IN TWITTER @Liam_JPayne AND @niazkilam SITTIN IN A TREE K I S S I N G !!!!!!!!!!!

The tweet has over three hundred faves before Liam even gets it pulled up (including Louis and Harry) and Liam shakes his head with a slightly laugh as he finally starts a tweet.

@Liam_JPayne: Alright! Im not kissin anybody can’t a grown boy watch Toy Story on his Birthday in peace??????????

@Liam_JPayne: side note i have the worst roomies

@Liam_JPayne: wankers @thetommo @Harold_Styles @nialljhoran

He silences his phone and drops it to the ground with an eye roll. "Wankers."

***

Liam must fall asleep sometime before Woody and Buzz escape Sid’s bedroom because when he wakes up to a numb arm and no recollection of the movie ending. He shifts his body slightly, trying to make himself more comfortable. When the boy finally opens his eyes he finds two sets of eyes on him. 

“Are you two going to nap on the couch together all night?” Harry asks in a hushed whisper.

“Louis’ been textin’ us askin’ if Zayn’s ready t’come home since he’s not answerin’ his own texts” Niall adds, propping his shoulder on the back of the couch and his chin in his hand.

Liam looks down at Zayn still asleep on his chest then back up to his room mates, “You’ve been texting Louis? Since when are you even friends?”

“Since both our best mates got involved with each other” Is the answer Liam gets and he shakes his head.

“We’re not- involved. Shut up.”

Harry laughs softy, patting Liam on the head before pushing away from the couch and crossing to the kitchen, “Alright, Li. If you say so, we’ll stop pointin’ out the obvious.”

“And what exactly is the obvious?”

“Tha’ you two’ve been hard for each other since ye followed ‘im on twi’er” Niall raises his eyebrows with a smirk.

“Oh fuck off, you twat” He punctuates it with a roll of his eyes and shifts his body again. Niall follows Harry into the kitchen and Liam stretches his neck to watch as the blond boy wraps his arms around Harry’s, pulling him closely to his body and burying his face in the taller boy’s neck. Disgusting. Liam looks back down at Zayn and runs his fingers through the long hair on top of Zayn’s head for a moment, smiling inward at the fact that their hair is cut and styled the same way apart from Liam’s hair falling in his eyes in curls. 

“Zayn, c’mon mate you’ve slept the whole time you’ve been here.” He says with a slight chuckle, dragging his fingers against the buzzed sides of Zayn’s head. The boy shifts above Liam slightly, “That’s it,” Liam’s fingers push the boy’s hair out of his eyes, “Rise and shine,”

Zayn mumbles something that Liam can’t understand but he chuckles anyway. “You awake then, Sunshine?” 

Zayn lifts his head to meet eyes with Liam with a sigh, “Wha’ time is it?”

“‘Round abouts three, I reckon. Could be wrong but if I know my flatmates they’re havin’ their mid-day make out in the kitchen while claiming to be makin’ lunch. Always happens ‘round three.”

Zayn’s nose wrinkles but he lets out a breathy laugh, leaning himself up into a sitting position and Liam’s chest suddenly feels cold without his presence against it so he frowns slightly. 

“Fuck,” Zayn moans as he stretches into a dramatic yawn. “Sorry, ‘m just..- knackered.” He adds, “Didn’t get much sleep before goin’ out, stayed out later than I planned,” He yawns again, “Didn’t mean t’sleep all day at your place either, mate.” Zayn lets out another breathy laugh and straightens himself up completely, stretching out another yawn. “Should probably call Lou.”

“Actually,” Liam starts, pulling his twitter up to show Zayn the tweets. “Think Haz and Niall are replacing me with him if I’m honest.”

Zayn gives a proper laugh and shakes his head, “No idea why anyone’d wanna replace you with that twit.”

The boys sit still for a moment until Zayn’s face lights up like he’s had some kind of epiphany. “Holy shit,” He says, pulling his phone from his pants pocket and hastily typing something out before turning to Liam, “Happy Birthday, Li.”

Liam’s phone vibrates with a notification and when he finally gets around to checking it shortly after Zayn’s left he can’t help the grin that stretches against his lips.

@niazkilam: #blessed to have spent the day with @Liam_JPayne on his birthday. Hope it’s the best ever xx 

Even though the tweet’s nearly an hour old and he literally just said goodbye to Zayn, Liam replies.

@Liam_JPayne: @niazkilam can’t say i’ve ever had a better one thanks to you m8 :)

***

The start of term comes faster than Liam was expecting and he spends his first day of lectures hungover and wearing sunglasses inside. He blames Harry, of course. The boy can drink until he turns into a limp noodle but he’s never suffered a hangover. “I stay hydrated, Liam. Why do you think my skin glows like it does?” He had told him once after Liam complained about his sandpaper tongue and pounding head. 

Harry’s at fault for multiple things today, Liam decides. First, he’s the reason that Liam went out last night. Second, he’s definitely the reason Liam got into a drink off with some tourist from Germany claiming that Englishmen couldn’t handle their alcohol. Third, he’s one hundred and fifty-seven percent the reason Liam is sitting in a 9 am ‘European Social Politics 101’ lecture.

He’s sunk deep in a chair in the back of the hall with his phone pulled out and dimmed to the lowest setting when he pulls up twitter out of boredom. Liam’s gained a few more hundred followers since the days following his birthday when Niall went through with creating him a YouTube account and sending his own subscribers running towards Liam. It’s not much, but it’s more than Liam could ever imagine following him and watching what he does and paying attention to him in general. 

He’s noticed that a few of his new followers aren’t just from Niall and Harry but from Zayn, who had taken to spending more and more time around Liam’s work and tweeting about Liam’s YouTube videos almost as soon as Liam posts them, and he wonders why all of his friends seem to be wildly popular on the Internet while he was just Liam. Boring, normal, verified on Twitter by association, Liam. 

He pulls up a new tweet

@Liam_JPayne: why did I pick a 9 am class 

Adding a disgruntled looking emoji to the end of it for emphasis on how he's feeling. 

His Twitter starts blowing up from notifications immediately, some from people he knows at Uni, some from people he'll probably never meet in his life. He skims through them until an icon catches his eye.

@niazkillam: @Liam_JPayne tried to get you to ditch today didn't I Mr. Morals? Bet you're regretting it now !! Aha ;)

@Liam_JPayne: @niazkilam just because u don't have Monday classes doesn't mean we're all that lucky 

@Liam_JPayne: @niazkilam have u even gone to bed yet?

@niazkilam: @Liam_JPayne going for a kip as we speak 

@Liam_JPayne: @niazkilam u need a proper nights sleep

@niazkilam: @Liam_JPayne well it's 9 am I can't bloody well get it now can I?

@Liam_JPayne: @niazkilam goodnight, sunshine

Liam's phone goes off again but it's not a tweet. It's two back to back texts from "Zee". (It took him almost a month to change it from “Zayn Malik (our friends seem to be the worst)”)

To: Leeeyum  
From: Zee  
Wish you woulda skipped classes today

To: Leeeyum  
From: Zee  
Flats all lonely with just me

To: Zee  
From: Leeeyum  
Maybe u should've scheduled ur classes to match w mine m8

To: Leeeyum  
From: Zee  
didn't know ya then did i? would've done so if I did

To: Zee  
From: Leeeyum  
I'm off campus by 130 but I got work. Stop by after u get some sleep? My treat 

To: Leeyum  
From: Zee  
Can't say no to free food. See you Li 

To: Zee  
From: Leeyum  
night sunshine see u

Liam's phone buzzes with a Twitter notification

@thetommo: when's the wedding, lads? @Liam_JPayne @niazkilam

 

***

As usual, the first weeks of school bring mass business to the cafe. Liam's only been here for an hour but he's served over fifty drinks and he needs a break. 

With a perfectly practiced pout paired with his puppy eyes, Liam convinces his boss to let him slip out of the back for his fifteen. 

"Was hoping you'd be out here," Liam hears shortly after sparking his cigarette. He turns towards the voice with a smile. 

"Stalking me again?" The smoke leaves his lungs with the words. 

"Nah, you're just predictable." Zayn pulls out his own worn pack of cigarettes and leans against the wall next to Liam. "Always smoke back here, yeah? Always take your breaks barely into your shift."

He scoffs slightly, taking in another puff of smoke. "It's a little sick how I've got the owner wrapped around my finger," He says with a slight shrug. 

"Doesn't surprise me at all, Leeeyum." Zayn flicks his ashes and leans to press his shoulder against Liam's. "Think it's be pretty easy to get wrapped up in you."

They finish their cigarettes in silence. Just standing next to each other and occasionally nudging one another with their elbows or their arms or feet. It's just comfortable with the two of them out there nothing but smoke filling the air between them. 

 

***

"You here again?" Liam hears Niall chime as he comes through the back. The crowds died a bit, just students huddled together at various tables going through course work. He meets Zayn's eyes with a slight smile. 

"Could say the about you, ay Horan?" Zayn replies as he makes his way to the counter where Niall's sitting and leans against it slightly. 

"Yeah but me two best mates work here. What's your excuse, Malik?"

"What can I say, mate? Liam makes a mean cuppa." The boy punctuates it with a wink before turning to Liam. "Speaking of, I think someone owes me something."

"One cup of English Breakfast coming up, your majesty," Liam turns to prepare the drink, "Did you want lunch as well? Could make Haz sort you out a sandwich or summat."

"Excuse me, Liam!” Harry’s eyebrows pull together with a huff, “Why can't you make it? I'm... busy. Or something."

"Because, Harold," He says as he pours water into a cup, "despite popular belief, we both work here."

Harry rolls his eyes slightly but turns to Zayn with a wide, dimpled grin. "What can I make for you today sir." 

"Wha'ever costs the most, then put it on Li's tab."

Liam sets the cup of tea on the counter before folding his arms, "Oi, whose side are you on. Mate?"

"Yours of course, Liam. Wouldn't dream of betraying you. I've just expensive taste."

Liam moves to the register, punching in Zayn's order. "Would you like a baguette as your side as usual?"

"'Course," The boy mumbles around the lip of his tea cup. 

Harry steps around Liam with a sandwich and small bowl of soup plated in his hand and sets it down on the counter, "There you go mate, made it how you like and even slipped you a bit of extra cheese."

Liam smiles as he presses the button for extras, "Is that all then?"

"Think I'm all sorted, yeah."

"Awesome," Liam rings it out,reaches into his pocket to pull the money out and count it out before shoving it into the register's drawers. "Stick around 'til my shifts up?" 

"Guess so, gotta sketch a bit anyway. School and shite." Liam steps around the counter to grab Zayn's plate and follows him to a table across the room, only walking back to the counter after he asks Zayn a million more times if there's anything else he wants or needs. 

 

***

The cafe's almost empty and there's only an hour left until close when Louis walks in and crosses the room to sit with Zayn immediately. 

"Thought I'd find you here," He shouts as he walks. 

"Yeah well, wanted to work plus I'm getting free tea." Zayn raises his cup a bit before taking a drink. 

"What about you, Tommo?” Liam asks as he rises from his seat next to Zayn, “Can I get you anything? Niall's treat."

"If that's the case, cuppa Yorkshire. No sugar with just a biiiiit of milk if you will mate." 

Liam nods and steps away to prepare the tea, only heading back when he was sure he had Louis’ order perfect. He sets the cup down gently before sliding back into the booth next to Zayn and peering over his shoulder at the book he was sketching in.

“So anyway,” Louis says after taking a sip of tea, “There’s a brilliant space on Fifth street, mate. Lots of foot traffic during the day but it practically dies when night falls. You’d have plenty of time to get a piece up.”

Zayn nods along to Louis’ words, “Been lookin’ around that area anyway. Think I’m gonna put up the sea of arms next.” The boy’s flipping through his sketchbook like he’s looking for something so Liam turns to Louis with his eyebrows up, silently asking questions about the topic on hand.

Louis just shrugs and waves a hand in the air as Zayn pushes the book into the middle of the table, tapping on a page that’s half covered in what looks like multicolored octopus tentacles placed in a way that causes them to look like waves of the ocean.

“That’s bloody brilliant, Zee. I’ve never-” Liam pulls the book closer to him, tilting his head as he looks at the image closer, “I’ve never seen any of your work ‘sides a few school things you’ve got lyin’ around.”

Louis lets out a quiet laugh, “Have you ever been to Camden? Leake Street?” He asks over his cup of tea before taking a drink.

“Um- yeah, suppose I have.”

“Then you’ve probably seen my work,” Zayn replies, pulling the sketch book towards with a smile aimed at Liam. “Up there with the best, mate.” The boy laughs softly and turns back to Louis as they continue to go over plans for Zayn’s next piece. Liam just listens, smiling like an idiot because- wow, Zayn is so much more than Liam ever expected.

***

“If you hate University so much then why do you stick with it?” Liam’s laying in Zayn’s bed as the other boy perches near the window sill, blowing smoke into the London air. He turns his head, searching to meet with Zayn’s eyes.

“My parents would never let me quit, Li. It was hard enough when I told them I’d be goin’ for illustration and design instead of Literature.” Zayn stretches a bit as he takes the last puff of his cigarette before crushing it into an empty fizzy can. He blows the smoke from his lungs as he crosses back over to Liam, flopping into the bed next to him. “Don’t exactly got myself a posh job like you lot, street art’s not really great pay. Or any pay. I make due sellin’ prints of stuff off tumblr and whatever but I rely on the bit of extra cash that comes every other week from my family. My baba hardly even wants to be sending me that.”

Liam’s arms stretch around Zayn, pulling him in closer and burying his face against the boy’s shoulder as he talked, “Deserve to get paid a lot more for your work, Zee. Probably the best artist I’ve ever seen.”

“You’re a dork, Payne.” Zayn’s fingers run against the skin of Liam’s arms for a moment as they just lay there in silence. It’s been about three months since they had met. They’ve seen the leaves change from deep greens to bright oranges and reds. They’ve watched them as they began to fall as the air grew more and more cold. The seasons aren’t the only thing changing, though. Each day it’s more and more comfortable with them. Each day they learn something new about each other and Liam doesn’t ever want to stop discovering Zayn and all of his quirks.

It had taken Zayn a month to finally ask Liam what his focus in Uni was. Liam had retorted with some comment about Zayn never paying attention to him, which Zayn replied to with an argument about how he has no idea what major could deal with european politics, music theory, astrology and finite math. To which Liam nodded, said “That’s true,” before telling him he had a focus in social and political science and a passion for finding out what it all means. Zayn laughed at first but nodded and ran his fingers through Liam’s hair as they laid tangled in a blanket on the couch.

It’s a few days after that when Zayn asked Liam to come with him as he put a piece up at the location him and Louis had chosen on fifth street. Liam couldn’t say yes fast enough and spent the entire night out with Zayn, sharing bitter coffees and bites of donuts until the wee hours of the morning when the piece was finally finished and they both had a bit of paint on their clothes.

It’s a week or so after that when Zayn starts showing up in a few vlogs that Niall makes Liam record. Or Zayn finds himself in the background of Niall’s vlogs since he spends so much time at their flat. Liam starts trying to wake Zayn up for his morning runs on days that he sleeps over and there’s only one time that it works. Zayn dresses in Liam’s work out clothes even though they’re hanging from the boy’s small frame and they make it about half a mile before Zayn is doubled over with his hands on his knees and begging for a cigarette break. Liam just laughs and pushes the curly hair out of his eyes as he jogs in place, waiting for Zayn to get ready. That’s when Zayn aggressively pulls the elastic holding his own hair back into a bun and nearly forces Liam to stand still as he pulls the boy’s hair back saying “You’ve really got to invest in some of these.”

It’s just last month that Liam let’s Zayn look through the songwriting journal that he carries around and it’s only after Zayn points out, “You’ve looked through my sketchbook, Leeyum. It’s only fair.” The boy just watches as Zayn thumbs through it, stopping to read every bit of lyrics that he comes across. That’s when Zayn asks about a few songs, what inspired them and how Liam manages to write such beautiful lyrics. Liam continues to explain how his last real relationship (which “officially” ended before he even started at uni but continued off and on through his first year) had inspired most of them, then inspired even more of them when he found out she had been cheating on him. Liam talks about how she had never really been okay with his sexuality. How she had never understood it and never really tried to. Then he tells Zayn about how she was the first person he had ever loved, but how he’s happy he’s finally gotten over that trainwreck of a relationship.

Liam learns what Zayn’s favorite television programs are and what kind of food he doesn’t like or can’t eat. He’s taught the names of Zayn’s sisters and cousins and other family members that Liam just silently hopes he’ll be able to meet one day. He knows that Zayn can’t swim and how the first time he flew it was with Louis who told him that the plane would loop-de-loop a few times but other than that it was a smooth ride. He learns how Zayn gets when there’s a school deadline that he’s not quite ready for, and how his face contorts when he’s trying to think of a good idea for his next piece or a new school project. And Liam lets Zayn learn about him too. He talks about his parents and life in Wolverhampton and how he met Niall in sixth form when the boy moved in down the street from Ireland. He tells Zayn all of his biggest fears and how he spent a lot of his childhood years in and out of hospitals. They spend most of their free time just exploring each other’s minds, digging to know all that they can. They fall into a sort of routine with each other. Something that just becomes so normal to them and even to their friends who spend more time together these days than they do with Liam and Zayn. But then again, Liam can understand why that is.

“So’ve you drawn anything new?” Liam asks, pulling his face away from the boys skin so he can be heard.

“Don’t know, have you written anything new?” Zayn replies and Liam leans further away to get a good look at the smirk on Zayn’s face.

“You’ve been talkin’ to Louis haven’t you?”

“Maybe. Not fair that you let him see your stuff before you’re finished but I’m stuck in the dark and practically hear it along with what? A million other people on youtube. You’d think I’d get some sort of special treatment.”

“Tsk tsk, Zayn Malik. Are you asking me to engage in favoritism?”

Zayn whines slightly, following it with a laugh. “That is exactly what I’m asking. C’mon. Lou tells me you’ve got a really nice song coming along.”

“I do, he’s been a really big help in the process. I’ll let you hear it,” Liam smiles, locking his eyes on Zayn’s, “As soon as it’s finished.”

“You’re insufferable,” Zayn shoots, but he leans into Liam’s chest all the same.

***

“Payno, I swear it’s ready. I wouldn’t lie to you, would I?” Louis folds his arms across his chest, cocking his head to the side slightly with the question.

“You would, actually. Absolutely you would.”

“You’ve got me there, but I swear ‘m not lyin’ about this.” Louis grabs the papers they’ve scribbled music on repeatedly over the last few days and moves to sit at the small piano Liam has in the flat’s music room. “Grab your guitar, let’s play it through in full.”

Liam nods and obeys because that’s what Liam’s found that he does when Louis is adamant about something. He takes a seat on the stool in front of the piano and opens up his lyric journal to the correct page before looking back up at the boy sitting across from him behind the keys.

“I’ll do the first verse, just to make sure you’ve the guitar down before you’ve got to multitask.” Louis teases, “Ready, Liam?” 

Liam nods and strums the guitar gently, checking each string and tuning what needs it. “Ready.” He lets out a long breath before he begins to strum the start of the song. Louis’ voice starts with the lyrics and he’s smiling encouragingly at Liam as the chorus comes closer and Louis begins to add piano to Liam’s guitar.

He clears his throat quietly and the two boys’ voices mix together, “But baby if you say you want me to stay, I’ll change my mind. ‘Cause I don’t want to know while I’m walking away, if you’ll be mind. Won’t go- oh oh. Won’t go- oh oh. So baby if you say you want me to stay, stay for the night. I’ll change my mind.” 

Louis’ voice drifts off and Liam’s voice carries on through the next verse. “Lean in when you laugh, we take photographs. There’s no music on, but we dance along. Never felt like this befor-ore, are we friends or are we mor-ore as I’m walking towards the door-or, I’m not sure.”

Louis’ voice joins him again for the chorus and both boys are nodding as they sing, smiling and playing their instruments with ease. The song comes together and continues on without a hitch. Any worry that Liam had for the music and lyrics meshing together stripped completely from his mind the moment he started singing. They finish and Louis’ the first one to stand up. He comes around behind Liam, slapping him in the back and smiling widely.

“Bit of something more, if you asked me.” He says, moving to take the seat opposite of Liam.

“What do you mean?”

“The song’s about Zayn, P-Town you don’t have to lie about it.” He lets out a laugh and shakes his head which causes Liam’s face to turn bright read and glare down at his phone. “Fuckin’ smashed it, Liam. No matter the reasoning behind it. Told you it’d be great. You’ve gotta get that other tune finished too. Two songs in a week. We’re on bloody fire.”

Liam shakes his head, “Fireproof.”

Louis laughs softly, leaning over to squeeze Liam’s shoulder gently. “Alrigh’, we’re fireproof then.”

Louis pulls out his phone, tapping quickly then flashing Liam a smile. 

@thetommo: if you haven't go check out @Liam_JPayne on YouTube. Won't be disappointed he's siiiiick! One of the best singer/songwriters I know. 

@nialljhoran: @thetommo @Liam_JPayne where's my recognition mate?

@thetommo: @nialljhoran @Liam_JPayne who helps write all your songs? Liam!!

Liam's laughing as he watches Louis in person as well as seeing everything unfold on his phone. Some how the constant teasing between all of them has twisted its way into Liam's heart as one of his absolutely favorite things. It's incredible to him that he's managed to let Louis and, even more surprisingly, Zayn into his life so easily when he's kept his "close" friend count to about 2 ever since he moved to London for school. 

@Liam_JPayne: love when ur watching ur mates fight over you. It's all "just banter" until someone loses an eye!

***

The five of them might as well live together with how often Zayn or Louis find their way over to Liam, Niall and Harry’s larger flat. Louis has claimed the spare bed in the corner of the music room as his own and Zayn makes himself just as comfortable in Liam’s bed as Liam makes himself in Zayn’s. 

It’s one of those rare mornings that Harry isn’t the very first person awake and making noise in the kitchen when Liam drags himself out of bed and towards the bathroom without  
disturbing Zayn.

When he returns from his run, Louis is sat cross-legged on the couch with Niall’s head in his lap and Harry at the other end with Niall’s feet in his.

“There you are, we were worried sick!” Louis says with mock concern, “No note, empty bed, you could have been abducted.”

“Empty bed?” Liam asks, eyes flicking to his bedroom door. “Did Zayn leave while I was gone?”

“Zayn, Zayn, Zayn. All you care about these days.” Harry sticks his tongue out, running his hands against Niall’s legs gently.

"He's still asleep, wouldn't even wake up for a cuppa," 

"Only 'cause Li di'n't make it," Niall adds to Louis comment sleepily. 

Liam makes his way around the sofa, slumping down in the armchair next to it. "You guys are ridiculous. He just doesn't like mornings."

"Likes 'em a bit more when you're around for them, mate." And Louis' lips twist into a grin. "If I didn't know better I'd think you were together. Fucking at the very least."

"Can't be. M'room's right next to Li's. I'd hear them havin' sex. "

"That's true, we would. Liam's never been that quiet."

There's a slight creak that makes them all turn to look for the source. Zayn’s standing in the door of Liam's room with the duvet wrapped loosely around his frame and his hair flattened over his eyes. 

"What're you guys babbling about out here?" His voice is raspy with sleep and Liam looks away at that. 

"Just talking about how hung your boyfriend is, nothing too important." Loui sends a wink towards Zayn that has Liam's cheeks heating up. 

"Tha's true, he is. Though Harry'd have more experience wit' tha' wouldn't you?"

"Christ, Niall. It was one time and you were there too." Harry shouts.

"Can we not get into this conversation right now?" Liam interrupts as Zayn makes his way to the chair, bending a little to sit against the armrest. Liam steadies him with a large hand on his waist, offering him a good morning smile. 

Louis pushes the talk forward "No, no. Please continue this conversation I'm interested in knowing the ending" 

With an echoing laugh Niall starts in on the story they had never told anyone else before. "We w're freshers, righ'? And Li an' I had just gotten this flat." Liam groans as Harry turns his attention to Niall, smiling his dimpled smile. "So we're at this party an' I asked Liam to help me pull a bloke but when I show'd him which on he said no 'cause he'd wanted to pull t'exact same one." Liam interrupts again. 

"Can we speed this along I don't particularly enjoy reliving it, mate."

"Oi, who's tellin' t'story, Liam? Tha's righ'! Me!" Niall jabs a finger in the air at Liam before continuing. "Anyway, so we end up makin' a like bet on who could pull 'im. Also this bloke was Harry if y'aven't caught that bit." Niall starts laughing from the memory or whatever is going on in his mind. "Long story short, he came home wit'us both. Proper t'reesome like."

Louis lets out a loud laugh and even Zayn hides a snicker in his shoulder as he slinks down into the chair to sit on Liam's lap. 

"It ge's better. Jus' wait." Niall's sitting up now, placed between Louis and Harry on the couch and he's absolutely beaming like he's been waiting to have friends to tell this story for years. "So we're in Li's bed an' Harry's full naked just goin' at it on Liam's dick, righ'? An' I'm behind him sor'a well, you know! Anyway, I start laughin' 'cause this man," he points his thumb at Harry, "has the wors' ta'oo under his arse."

The group is laughing again, Louis with his face covered by his hands, Niall nearly turning red, Harry with his head tossed back slightly and Zayn trying to hold it in but Liam can feel the way his body shakes with it. 

"Liam was so frustrated at us laughing, probably because I was literally laughing around his dick and he had no idea what was happening." Harry adds once the laughter dies a little. "Aw, look at little Leemo getting all flustered about it." The attention turns to Liam now, who's blushed pink clear down his neck. "Are you embarrassed by how we met, Liam? That's not very nice."

"I'd be less embarrassed if you hadn't baked us a cake with your dick hard." He adds. 

"Wasn't just my dick!" 

"Alright, lads, alright. I have one important question after hearing this." Louis pauses until he knows he has everyone's attention. "What's Harry's tattoo?"

Harry stands then, unbuttoning his pants and that's when Liam buries his face into Zayn's back, groaning slightly. 

***

Liam spends most of the December weeks before finals with Louis locked away in the music room writing lyrics and music and putting it all together. It's something that Liam's missed more than anything. He hasn’t written since he wrote ‘Fools Gold’ a few months after things finally ended with his ex. It's not that he wasn't inspired anymore because he really was but every time he sat to write a song they turned into songs about her. 

It was different now. Maybe a few of his new songs were inspired by new feelings he's maybe started to develop, but Liam put so much focus just on his friendships. He's gotten more inspiration from nights spent playing video games with his four boys than any relationship could give him and he's taken that and put it into songs. They'd finished ‘Fireproof’ the week they started, then a song called ‘Through the Dark’ the week after that. And now they’ve spent the last few days with their heads bowed together over various pages of a song book, working on something Louis' titled 'Clouds' and everything feels like it's just fitting perfectly together. It’s not just the songwriting that feels right, it’s the entire friend group. Liam really has a special bond with each of them and he can’t believe that his small trio has grown to bring in these two other boys that took to them like it was the easiest thing in the world. He could write a million more songs about how important his boys were to him. He probably would.

Liam’s scrolling through his twitter, ignoring whatever it is that Louis’ is trying to play on the piano when Niall knocks on the music room door.

“Mate, I gotta film a video an’ get it edited tonigh’.” Niall barks through the door.

“Keep your pants on, Horan. We’re just finishing up!” Is what Louis responds with and with the promise of finishing up soon, Liam takes the time to finally check his messages. He's got a few unread texts from Zayn and for the it sends a slight pang of guilt through his gut but he’s not sure why.

To: Leeeyum  
From: Zee  
Are you with Louis again? 

To: Leeeyum  
From: Zee  
You're both wankers

To: Leeeyum  
From: Zee  
Miss you x text me when you're done babe

To: Zee  
From: Leeeyum  
Miss you xx

To: Zee  
From: Leeyum  
Think we're practically done for the day if you wanna grab food. 

Liam's got a tight clutch on his phone as he waits what feels like hours for Zayn to reply, completely blocking out whatever conversation Niall and Louis are having with the door still shut.

To: Leeeyum  
From: Zee  
Tell Louis you'll see him later and come over

Liam lets out a small laugh and shakes his head “Helloooo, Liam? Are you with us, mate?” He looks up to find Louis’ eyes on him.

“Uh, sorry, what did I miss?”

“Neil’s going for chips, asked if you wanted any.”

"Oh, um," Liam pauses for a second, "No, I’m good. I think I’m gonna meet up with someone but if you wanna hang out with the two idiots for awhile then be my guest." Louis shrugs, agreeing to stay and starts packing up the few songbooks they had left laying around. 

“Suit y’self, Payno.” Niall says through the door. “Gonna miss t’Netflix binge we’ve planned.”

“Really is your loss, mate.” Louis adds but when liam looks at him, he has this knowing smile stretched across his lips. Liam decides he hates that smile.

To: Zee  
From: Leeyum  
See you soon x

***

Liam's carrying a bag of chips and another sack with sweets when he reaches Zayn and Louis' flat. He just flips the welcome mat up with his foot before bending to pick up the key that was hidden under it. 

He finds Zayn leaning against the window sill with a cigarette between his lips. “Took you long enough to get here,” He says, blowing smoke from his lungs.

Liam raises the bags in defense, “I got chips and sweets, didn’t know if you’d eaten but ‘m starvin’.”

"Could go for a chip or two," he crushes his cigarette out and cross the room to meet Liam half way, grabbing one of the bags. 

The layout of Zayn's flat is similar to Liam's but on a smaller scale. You enter into the living area, there's a kitchenette to the right and the wash room and two bedrooms to the left. It was simple, small and Liam thought it felt like a home. He steps around and over various pieces of art that Zayn has laying around in order to get to the kitchen to set everything down. 

"I got curry 'cause I can't stand a dry chip these days." 

"A man after my own heart," Zayn mumbles, open up one of the bags. "And sweets too? Liam Payne if this is some sort of proposal I just can't accept." Zayn presses the back of his hand to his forehead like he’s feeling faint, "Oh, Li. We're so young!" He says dramatically, "Think of our future!"

Liam nudges the other boy with his shoulder, rolling his eyes, "You're infuriating."

 

***

 

"Are we supposed to be up here?" He's claiming what feels like the millionth flight of stairs. 

“Probably not,” Zayn shrugs as he climbs another few stairs, “but I figure they’d lock it if they really cared that much.” They come to the end of stairs and cross the small platform there, heading towards a door that Zayn pushes through like he’s done it a million times. 

“What are we even doing?” They’re in a small corridor with very little lighting, Zayn’s taken hold of Liam’s hand to lead him through the dark. Then there’s another door and Zayn pushes against it with all of his strength until it finally budges.

Cool air envelops Liam and he lets a small shiver race down his spine as Zayn pulls him out onto the terrace-looking area on the other side of the door they just stepped through. He realizes now that Zayn had brought them to the roof of the building and Liam’s mind jumped right back to wondering how much trouble they could get into for being up here.

“Zee, I don’t know if we should… What if we get caught?”

“Don’t be a stick in the mud, Li. Just.. come on, enjoy the view. Look how clear the sky is. You can even see stars.” Zayn throws his head back, staring up at the dark sky. “You know.. if you squint a little and use your imagination.” His laugh that follows is smooth and raspy at the same time. Like he’s just smoked a cigarette that hasn’t quite left his system but the sound also just rolls from his lips and into Liam’s ears, forcing the boy to crack a smile.

Liam lifts his own head, squinting as if to make stars appear in the brightly lit London sky. “No, you can totally make out a few constellations.” He reassures his friend. “Cetus is righ’ there,” Liam gestures vaguely, not really being able to make out the stars but knowing the location. “And there’s Hydrus.” He gestures again before shoving his hands into his pockets to warm them up.

When he looks back down he finds Zayn’s eyes on his face like he’s searching Liam for something. Like he’s trying to figure Liam out, trying to get that last piece of the puzzle to fit. Liam clears his throat, suddenly self-conscious under Zayn’s gaze.

“I uh- I’m in astrology, y’know.” He adds when Zayn doesn’t speak.

“I know your classes Liam,” His lips twist into an unruly grin. “I’m just trying to figure out how someone can fit everything that you do, everything that you know into one brain.”

***

“Stop acting like you’ve never smoked weed before, Liam. We’ve smoked together.”

Liam lets out a laugh, “I never said I’ve never smoked, I just don’t know if we should do it here. We’re already not supposed t’be up here.”

Zayn groans, throwing one leg over the side of the ledge so he’s straddling it. (Which makes Liam feel extremely on edge, worried that he’ll have to dive to save a high-Zayn from plummeting to his death on the street below.) “I always smoke up here, it’s better than smellin’ up the flat, innit?” He reaches into the pocket of his sweatshirt, pulling out a perfectly rolled spliff and holding it between two fingers. “Just us up here, no one’s gonna tell.” He says before placing the filtered end between his lips and sparking the other side.

They pass it between them a few times, smiling and laughing at small, irrelevant things as they do so. Eventually they find themselves climbing off of the ledge and laying flat on their backs in the middle of the roof, staring up at the sky. 

“Want you to teach me all you know about the stars, Li.” Smoke billows around his words and Liam watches his lips as it happens.

“I’ll teach you whatever you want, sunshine.” He plucks the spliff from the other boys fingers, bringing it to his lips to pull in a long drag before Zayn steals it back and pulls himself into a sitting position.

“I was thinkin’, y’know how y’always call me sunshine?” Liam nods at his question, pulling himself up as well. “Well, it’s like.. That’s you, innit? I don’t know. I know you started it as a joke but when I think about the sun, or sunshine- that’s you.” Liam’s eyebrows wrinkle slightly before he lets out a soft laugh, “I’m serious, Li. ‘m more like the moon or summat. Think about it.”

“I am usually up in the mornings.”

“And I don’t like doing anything before it’s dark outside.”

Liam falls silent for a moment, staring off at the moon in the sky. 

“You’re also light and warm,” Zayn adds, leaning slightly into Liam. “Strong,” His voice fades off slightly as he takes another drag from the spliff.

“Well, if I’m the sun and you’re the moon that makes you influential.” Liam thinks out loud, not able to really differentiate his thoughts from his words. “Mystery,” He adds, “Balance.”

Zayn strokes the side of his wrist absent-mindedly when Liam plucks the splif from his fingers. 

“Yin and yang.” He mumbles, causing Liam to put all focus back on him.

“What was that, babe?”

“Yin and yang.” Zayn twists his arm around slightly so Liam can see the tattoo, “We’re like yin and yang. Light and dark.” He mutters with a doped out grin against his face. “Tui and La, push and pull.”

Liam barks a laugh, “And that has been the nature of their relationship for all time, “ Liam finishes the quote. 

“That’s us, Li. Sun and the Moon.”

“You’re high, mate.”

“Not enough.”

***

The spliff’s nearly smoked completely down when Zayn straddles Liam’s lap and grips his jaw in his hand. “Wanna share the last hits?” Liam just nods lazily, his eyelids heavy and fighting to stay open.

He half watches Zayn as the boy raises the spliff back to his lips before he cups Liam’s jaw more gently than before, his fingers tracing gently over Liam’s stubble before he leans in. 

Liam’s shotgunned before, with Harry and Niall even but neither of those experiences compared to how he was feeling right now. His head’s already spinning with the high and as Zayn inches closer it’s hard to think about anything besides the boy sitting in his lap, making his growing hard-on stiffen more and more with every slight movement.

His lips fall open as Zayn’s lightly brush against them and soon he’s pulling the smoke from the other boy’s lips and into his lungs. It’s smooth and sweet like weed is but this time it’s laced with something more intoxicating than it could ever be, this time it’s laced with Zayn. 

There’s smoke clouding between them from the exhale and Liam can’t make out Zayn’s face properly until the boy leans back in, catching Liam’s lips between his. Liam makes a surprised noise but it catches in Zayn’s mouth as their lips move together in perfect unison. For a moment everything comes together and locks itself in. Everything belongs. Everything feels right. Then Zayn’s pulling back again, pressing his lips around the spliff instead of Liam’s mouth.

Liam doesn’t even care about the high anymore, he doesn’t care that there’s still a few hits left of the joint, he only cares about the way Zayn’s lips felt against his. The way their stubble brushed against each other. He brings his large hands up to Zayn’s waist, pulling him in closer so their chests are pressed together. The slightest smirk makes its way to Zayn’s lips as he pulls in the last hit from the joint before tossing the roach onto the ground next to them. 

Their lips catch each other again, both of them giving up on the smoke and letting it slip from their mouths without any attempt to inhale it. Liam has his arms wrapped tightly around Zayn’s waist and Zayn’s arms are thrown around Liam’s neck as they kiss. Each press of their lips has Liam heating up from the inside, not even the cut of the cold December air can cool him at this point. Even without his hooded jumper he’d probably be just as warm in Zayn’s embrace. And god, it’s about fucking time this happened. It’d been four months of tiptoe-ing around how he wanted to act around Zayn and how he figured he should. He’d never been sure of what Zayn would want. He’d never been sure if Zayn would ever be interested like their friends made it seem. It’d been four months of constantly wondering where they stood and this felt like an answer.

But Liam is Liam and there’s a place in the back of his mind telling him that it’s just the spliff. This is just the high, there’s nothing to it. A cheeky snog between mates. That’s all it’d ever be.  
Then Zayn’s lips are brushing against his birthmark and he’s thinking it’s anything but that.

***  
“Where’s Zee?” Liam asks as he plops down into a chair opposite of Louis on his lunch break.

“Did he not tell you?” Louis raises a large mug of hot chocolate to his lips, slurping annoyingly loud and Liam would say something to him if the shop wasn’t damn near empty today. The term had ended and the holidays were welcomed with the first snowfall of the season which left Liam, Niall and Harry stranded in the shop until their shifts were over with no one to keep them company except Louis.

“Did he not tell me what?” He bites off half a chip, furrowing his brows as he does.

“Home to Bradford for the Holidays. Says he misses his mum and sisters. Wanted to seem ‘em. Can’t blame him.” Louis sighs, pointing out again that he’d not been able to get any time off from work. Liam feels for him, he misses his family too but his family wasn’t near the size of Louis’. 

Liam’s lips turn downward, “Oh, well. No, he didn’t tell me.” He puts another chip in his mouth, chewing it slowly to avoid talking. Zayn hadn’t even mentioned leaving for the holidays at all. "When is he coming back?"

"Figure he comes back start of term.” Louis notes, with a quiet hum. “He was right buzzin’ about it at home yesterday. Figured he’d tell his boyfriend.” The boy wags his eyebrows, nudging Liam’s knee under the table.

“He’s not my boyfriend.." Liam mumbles, shoving another chip in his mouth. 

"You're sounding like The Bozos," Louis steals a chip from Liam's plate, waving it accusingly at Liam. "What's got you down?"

Liam just gives him a shrug as he takes a long sip from his drink. There's nothing wrong. He's definitely not upset that Zayn's gone for the next four weeks. He's not upset that Zayn didn't tell him. He's not upset that the last time he really hung out with Zayn was the night they kissed on the rooftop of his flat and spent the rest of the evening exploring each other's skin. 

"Right.." Louis stands, crossing to the counter and Liam assumes it's for a cocoa refill but Harry and Niall are with him when he returns. 

"What's this about you being sad?" Harry asks the moment they sit down. He snags one of LIam’s chips as he does so and pops it into his mouth as he leans his elbows on the table.

“I’m not sad.”

“Well I hope not but Lou says y’are.” Niall chimes, situating himself in the seat between Harry and Louis. 

They’re all staring him down like there’s something wrong with him, like they know that they could get it out if they pried a little more but that’s never how it’s been with Liam. Besides, what is there to be sad about? Someone he’s sort of fond of left, it’s not the end of the world. It’s not something done specifically to him. He’s just being whiny. There’s nothing wrong with it. Except he feels like there’s something wrong. Like he did something wrong. Like Zayn fled the city and didn’t tell him because they kissed and he regretted it.

Liam gives them a shrug in response, “Well, Lou’s a bleedin’ idiot. Can a man enjoy his chips in privacy?”

“You live with us, there’s no escape Liam James.” Harry points out, “You’ll have to open up about something eventually.”

“Never ‘ave been any good at hidin’ wit’ us, mate.” And Liam knows they’re both right. Knows that he should just tell them about the kiss. It’s not like it was a huge secret anyway. Hell, Louis could already know. But Liam stays quiet, just adds another chip to his mouth.

“Is it about Zayn going home?” Harry asks and Liam stops mid-chew to stare at his friend. “He’ll be back, it’s only until holidays are up. I get it, remember last year when Niall went all the way to Mullingar? Thought I’d die.”

“You know, too?” He asks, leaning back in his chair and dropping the half eaten chip back to his plate. “Was no one going to tell me this was happening? Like a bit of a warning?”

“I mean.. We sort’ve figured tha’ if he was tellin’ us then he’d’ve told you, mate.” Liam’s insides feel hot and he’s sure the heat’s showing on his face as well. He just takes another long drink through his straw. It’s quiet for a moment and Liam takes the time to try and smooth the lines between his eyebrows.

“Well he didn’t.” He says softly, defeated almost. “It’s whatever. I’m gonna get back to work.” Liam pushes his chair away from the table, leaving the plate of chips and his three mates sitting alone as he makes his way towards the back room to sulk on his own.

***

@niazkilam: Sometimes you pretend even when it’s real ...x

The notification is the first time that Liam hears from Zayn in a week. There’s not any texts back, there’s no phone calls or tweets or posts on tumblr tagged specifically for Liam. Everything is a void and there is nothing. His thumb hovers over the favorite button for a moment, only if by habit, but he locks his phone and tosses it onto his mattress.

Liam decides to spend his day locked in the music room. He’s not got work and school’s only just got out for the holidays so there’s really nothing else for him to do. For some reason there’s a song itching at his fingertips to be written, to be played out on the piano. So that’s what he does.

He locks the door behind him as soon as he slips in and for a moment he just sits on the small twin sized bed that’s placed in the far corner. Louis has a bag still sitting on it which surprises Liam because he hadn’t seen him in a few days. Then again, he’s been ignoring everyone in favor of going for morning jogs extra early then spending the rest of his time locked in his own room with his phone clutched too tightly. 

It wasn’t their fault that Zayn hadn’t talked to him, but he knew that he had talked to them and for some reason that just felt like the knife was being twisted. SO he avoided them. Barely talked to Harry or Niall and the times he did see Louis, he had to put on the fakest smile he could because he had grown too used to seeing Zayn with him. Too used to having Zayn not far off if Louis was around. But it wasn’t like that anymore.

The boy pushes up from the bed, crossing to the piano bench and taking a seat. He’s been keeping his song book in here lately, no longer caring about the other boys taking a look and seeing his originals. He liked when they did that, liked even better when he’d come back to post-it notes stuck to the page with little suggestions. He loves his boys, even if he’s not acting like it right now.

He pulls his book to him, flipping open to a blank page and clicking the pen so he can jot down the words he’s thinking. His pen scratches against the paper quickly, leaving the way Liam’s feeling in its wake. He’s never written a song this fast but there’s just something about today that’s changing that. He feels vulnerable for the first time in awhile. Raw. 

It takes an hour to have the words just the way he wants them to be. He reads over them again. Then again before setting his book open on the music rest of his keyboard. He’s trying to get the chords in his mind, figure out the melodies and it’s been so long since he’s worked alone that he’s struggling more than usual. He keys a few beats, gathering the proper noting and structure of the song and taking a few notes in his book before crossing the room to the guitars stand. 

He drags his fingers against the strings of Niall’s electric guitar (named Joannah) (which was funny when he found out that was Louis’ mum’s name) then wraps his fingers around the neck of his own acoustic guitar (named rose) before settling back into his place on the piano bench.

He strums all strings, cringing a bit as the off-tuned noise of a few of them hit his ears. It’d only been a week and a half of it sitting alone and untouched but it’d been too long already. He tunes it by ear, placing his pen between his teeth as he begins to pluck the chords he’d written in his book.

It’s another three hours before he has something presentable to play. He’d never written a song completely on guitar before, but he thinks that he has it down pretty well. He’s about to do his third run through of the song when his stomach makes an aching-gurgling sound that has him putting his guitar back on its stand and unlocking the music room door for the first time.

“Thought y’were dead in there,” Niall chimes from the couch. It’s just them at home today, which is weird because it means that Harry’s at work alone and he can’t even imagine the boy getting through half a shift without Niall. Then again, Niall being home could be a plan of Harry’s. Just like when Liam and Sophia called it quits for the final time and Harry decided they needed to watch over him in shifts, never leaving him home on his own.

“Feel like it,” He mumbles, crossing to the kitchen. Niall doesn’t add anything, just clicks to a different channel and settles further into the couch to watch it. 

Liam fixes a cup of tea and two pieces of toast before he speaks again. “Hey, Nialler?” He asks, raising his mug to take a sip. “Got a favor to ask, maybe.”

“Wha’s up bu’ercup?” Niall turns his full attention to Liam, cutting the volume on the tv down and turning to face the boy.

“Wrote a new song. Wanna put it up on my channel.”

Niall’s eyes widen and his grin could honestly blind someone if the sun were to hit it at the proper angle, “Ledge! What’s this one called?” 

Liam shrugs slightly, chewing a bite of his toast with a thoughtful expression. He hadn’t thought about it, really. He’d never been one to name songs, just did all the writing. He ponders while he chews, thinking about the words and trying to figure out why he wrote it in the first place. Liam swallows, his lips crooking into a smile, “Illusion,” He decides.

***

Niall has the camera set up on the tripod and angled towards Liam. He isn’t sure why this sort of thing still makes him so nervous like he hasn’t been around it since he was fourteen and making dumb videos with Niall that turned into something more. Still, the lights that Niall has to set up always make him sweat a bit out of nervous habit and suddenly his throat’s gone dry.  
“You ready, Payno?” Niall asks, cocking his head to one side as he flips the screen of the camcorder out and takes his seat on the stool behind the camera.

Liam gives a faint nod, reaching for the bottle of water he’d thought to grab before starting. He takes a long drink, chugging nearly half of it in one go, before putting it back down and placing his fingers on the frets.

“Alrigh’ then,” Niall beams, “Three, two…” He points at Liam as the red light comes on the front of the camera.

With his best smile, Liam waves awkwardly with his arm resting on the body of his guitar. “Hey guys, it’s Liam obviously.” He’s so bad with introductions, “It’s been awhile since I put a song up even though loads have been written the last few weeks- um.” The boy clears his throat awkwardly. “But I figured it was time I did something.” He smiles again, glancing down at his finger placement to make sure he’s at the proper starting place. “I actually just wrote this song today. Literally finished it about, what?” He looks past the camera to Niall, who’s almost too focused on the screen to know that Liam’s talking to him, “‘Bout an hour ago?”

Niall gives Liam a nod, “Yeah, ‘bout tha’ I’d say.” He adds.

“Alrigh’, well. Anyway.” He clears his throat again, “This one’s called Illusion.”

He get’s through the song without a hitch, playing it a bit slower than he imagines the finished product but it’s his bloody song he can do whatever he wants with it. He’s got the last chorus coming up and there’s a stupid grin on his face as it approaches because he knows he’s almost done with the song and with the video. It’s like there’s a weight lifting off his chest as he get’s closer.

“...No, baby this is not an illusion...” He croons, “...I’ve really got my heart out on my sleeve...” His voice is thicker today than it usually is. From sleeping too long or not using it enough the last week but it works for the rendition of the song he’s recording right now. It’s husky, raw. Just like how he feels and it’s amazing the effect it has on the upbeat-pop song that Liam imagined this as at first. He draws it out, makes it gentle. There’s more emotion in it like this and that’s when Liam realizes why he wrote the song in the first place.

“...So tell me you believe in love, ‘cause it’s not an illusion to me…”

Liam shifts slightly on the stool, looking for Niall’s eyes like he needs the assurance. Niall just stops the recording and smiles, “Bloody brilliant I can’t believe you wrote it in a day, mate.”

He stifles a laugh in his shoulder and shakes his head, “Piss off, let’s just film an outro so we can get it uploaded, yeah?”

“Look at you using Youtube lingo,” He beams in an over dramatic way. “I’m so proud.” 

They laugh for a moment, only starting the recording again once they’ve calmed themselves. Liam waits until the red light’s been flashing for a few seconds before talking.

“Well, I hope you guys liked it. I’m sure there’ll be more videos like this soon as long as Niall gives his blessing. Um, yeah. Don’t forget to subscribe or whatever if you haven’t and follow me on twitter or tumblr, whichever you prefer.” Liam flashes a charming smile and gives a thumbs up before Niall ends the video.

***

It takes the boy’s less than an hour to get the video edited and processed since Liam, miraculously, got it recorded in one take so they only had to put the outro in and sort the lighting out a bit but it’s up and posted and already has quite a few views before Liam or Niall even have the chance to tweet it out. He feels an ache of pride in the song. He’s only ever put out two that were written 100% only by him so it’s something special. Like watching your kid go off to their first day of reception school or something of the likes.

@nialljhoran: Check out this bad man tune! @Liam_JPayne wrote and recorded a whole song in a day. I might be in love https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWrSg01C8jc

After a moment Liam’s phone buzzes with another notification.

@thetommo: I leave for one day and Payno decides to pump out a whole new song without me? GUTTED !! Check it out though ! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWrSg01C8jc

And then there’s another.

@harold_styles: that’s my boy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWrSg01C8jc 

Admiration fills his heart as he looks at the boys’ tweets. His boys. His best mates. Well. Most of them at least. He lets out a quiet sigh, careful not to let Niall, who’s currently replying to a few people in their mentions about the song and whatever, hear him. Zayn’s never missed a video being put up. Not that Liam’s put up loads of them in the last few months but there’s been enough and Zayn’s never once missed it. He’s usually the first of the boys to tweet it out, the first to praise Liam to his followers. But Liam’s just being whiny at this point. It doesn’t matter. Except it does and he really wants Zayn to hear the song. 

@Liam_JPayne: Thnx for the support everyone! Especially the boys. check out the song if u haven’t! its bout someone special :D xx https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWrSg01C8jc 

@Liam_JPayne: In life we always fall for the person that will never fall for us always want something that we can’t and always say things we shouldn’t

He tweets shortly after posting the link because maybe he’s tired of being subtle. Done pretending that he’s not upset that Zayn kissed him, messed around with him then left town. He’s done pretending like he hasn’t written multiple songs about the boy in the last few months. Tired of pretending like writing and recording Illusion wasn’t just a last ditch effort to get the other boy’s attention, to let him know that Liam has proper feelings for him. He’s really got his heart out on his sleeve, but that’s how he’s always been with Zayn.

The ball was in his court now. Liam's done all he can. 

***

Louis shows up the next day, knocking his fists into Liam's sides as he walks past him and into the flat. "Can't believe you wait until I'm busy to record a new song. Am I not good enough for your YouTube channel, Payno?"

Liam let's out a laugh and it's the easiest thing he's done since Zayn left. He pushes his hand into Louis’ shoulder, giving it right back to the boy. “Couldn’t have you muck it up, could I?” 

Louis scoffs at that, shaking his head and turning his attention to Niall. “Always have been me favorite, Nialler, you know that right?”

“Wha’ can I say? ‘m everyones favori’ if the timin’ is righ’”

They’re three hours into an intense FIFA tournament when Liam’s phone starts to buzz in his pocket. It’s probably just his mom calling to make sure Niall and Harry are still coming up for Christmas tea even though he’s confirmed it a million times so he lets it go to voicemail. His pocket’s quiet for a split moment before the vibrations start again and he’s irritatedly sitting his controller down and digging his phone out. 

“Who’s tha’ then?” Niall asks, still pounding away at the game.

“Uh,” Liam laughs slightly, glaring down at Zayn’s contact name. “Just me mum. Christmas stuff, you know?

“Just like a mum to do, don’t leave her waiting, Liam James. The woman gave birth to you!” Louis shouts, grabbing at Liam’s controller as a way to get into the game and try his damn best to beat Niall. 

“Yeah, I’ll just- be right back. Can’t have you two foul mouths chattin’ shit with her able to hear.” Niall barks a laugh in response, too involved in the game to look up and give any care about where Liam’s off to. Louis however is less convinced, he glances up at Liam with a slight pout like he knows exactly who’s on there and wants Liam to remember to stay cool and not get too flustered with the position Zayn’s left him in. Liam just nods curtly and disappears behind his bedroom’s door.

Liam’s thumb hesitantly slides against his screen, answering the call and holding up to his ear. Zayn speaks before Liam gets the chance to greet him, as if he’d been waiting to hear the exactly moment that the call went through.

“If it’s any consolation, I’m sorry.” He says, his voice just as smooth as Liam remembers. Liam opens his mouth to reply but Zayn’s jumping in again before he has the chance. “I wanted to talk to you two weeks ago but every time I saw your name on my phone I just felt bad about leaving without telling you.” Zayn lets out a heavy breath, “Guess I’ve gotten into the habit of avoiding issues.”

“So kissing me was an issue, then?” Liam finally interjects. He doesn’t mean to come off cold, never planned to have his first conversation with Zayn be a potential argument. But Zayn’s laughing on the other end and it’s making the hair on the back of Liam’s neck stand up.

“Kissing you? No. Issue was falling for you and not thinking you felt the same way. Do you know how stupid I felt waking up that next morning with you in bed and remembering ‘Oh god, I tricked him into kissing me by getting him high.’ I was driving meself crazy, Li. Had to talk to me mum, listen to some- uh, music. Shouldn’t ‘ave just left but it’s all I knew how t’do.”

“Hear the song then?” Liam’s pressing the phone to his ear with his shoulder, his arms folded over his chest like an upset child.

“Haven’t stopped listening except right now to call you.” Zayn adds and Liam can hear the smile in his voice, it makes his shoulders loosen, his arms to drop to his side. 

“There’re others,” Liam admits shyly, rubbing his hand against the back of his head. “All of them, really. It’s all you, Zayn. You’re why I started writing again.” He laughs slightly, feeling weightless after getting the confession off his chest.

“You should see my sketch book these days, honestly. Like drawing your nose the most.”

Liam’s cheeks redden and he shakes his head. “Come home and draw it some more then.”

“New Year’s Eve.” Zayn replies and there’s such certainty in his voice that Liam’s heart flutters ever so slightly.

“Alrigh’,” Liam breathes, “Can make it til then, I s’pose.”

“See you soon, sunshine.” Is the last thing Liam hears before the line goes quiet, but it’s enough. It’s more than enough because for the first time he’s not guessing anymore. He’s not confused over what he and Zayn are or what they could be. He has answers. Answers that he likes and it feels good. It feels great. 

***

“So who is this Zayn boy that Harry and Niall were telling me about, Liam?” His mum asks as she stirs a pot of boiling parsnips and potatoes. “They say you’re quite smitten. You haven’t mentioned him to me.”

“Did they?” He asks, shooting a death glare towards his flatmates, who are both starring in opposite directions while shoving christmas biscuits in their mouths. Liam turns his attention back to his mum, “Just a bloke,” He lies, desperate to get this conversation over with.

“Is that so? Not very polite, Lion.” His mum turns to him now, pointing her wooden spoon in his direction. “How would you feel if Zayn went about saying you were just some bloke?” Liam turns his head back towards Niall and Harry to find them fighting off fits of laughter, letting Liam know they’ve told his mother far too much about their dark-haired friend. 

“Niall and Harry always say the other is just some bloke, too, Mum. It’s not a big deal, is it!”

“Rubbish, everyone knows Niall and Harry are together even if they constantly deny it. Been ages of those two skirtin’ about. Your mothers are tired of it, by the way, boys. Why, I was just on the phone with Anne the other day talk about you Harry. Went on and on about how she just wishes you’d just settle down already.” Liam’s mum lets out a gentle laugh and turns back to her cooking. “I mean, what on earth are you boys waiting on? You’ve everyone’s approval. Oh, Anne loves Niall like he’s her own. We all do.” 

Harry’s cheeks are flushed and he’s avoiding eye contact with anyone, as if they didn’t all know what Liam’s mother said was true. Niall just barks a laugh and tugs on Harry’s hand, pulling him in so he can get an arm around the taller boy’s waist. 

“Thanks, Karen. Love ye like you’re me own mum.” Niall adds, offering a gentle smile to Harry and causing the conversation’s topic to blow past. “Speaking of me mum, she sends her love as usual. Da’ too. Hates tha’ I’ve not moved back t’Ireland wit’ him but he gets it. Can’t leave Liam anyway, he’d be lost wit’out me.”

“Cheers to that!” Liam’s father bellows as he enters the room. “Glad he’s got you boys,” he adds as he slaps Niall on the shoulder and smiles widely at Harry. “Good head on ye shoulders and all. Keepin’ my boy in line, I presume?”

“As always, Geoff.” Harry adds to the conversation as the three of them look at Liam fondly. “Quite gentleman, this one. Think we’ve raised him good and proper.”

“Alrigh’, you lot.” Karen interjects with a laugh, “Out of the kitchen, unless you don’t fancy a Christmas dinner?” 

With that they all take their leave and make themselves at home on the sofa in the other room with Liam’s two sisters and Liam pulls up twitter.

@Liam_JPayne: If you all forgot, yesterday was @thetommo’s birthday. He’s at least 30 now. #OldMan 

***

Liam's phone buzzes with a Twitter notification and he struggled for a moment trying to stretch his hand free hand across his body in order to pull it from his back pocket

@thetommo: Okay the holidays are over when will the lads return from war.

He laughs when he reads it partially because it's only Boxing Day, partially because Louis is just as far from home and the rest of them, and then a little because he's standing in a train station with his bags just waiting on the train that would take him back to London.

@Liam_JPayne: @thetommo u miss me that much mate? promise I'll be home soon

@thetommo: @Liam_JPayne I said LADs, Liam. Clearly i was talking about Neil. 

@nialljhoran: @thetommo @Liam_JPayne sweetest thing anybody's ever said to me. 

And Liam can hear Niall laugh as he comes up behind him, still staring down at his phone screen. "Lou's a twat isn't he?" 

"No better description. Do you know when he's heading back from Donny?"

"Think he said he was drivin' back T'sday, but I migh' be wrong"

"It's definitely Tuesday." Harry chimes, "was just asking him that last night."

Liam can see Harry's arm wrap around Niall from behind out of the corner of his eye and has to try his hardest not to feel any bitterness about being single for the holidays. Harry smiles sideways at Liam and gives Niall a little push so they can walk towards the train with Harry's hands still draped against Niall's waist. It's sickening and sweet and almost everything Liam thinks anyone could want in a relationship. 

***

The train ride back home feels longer than it is. With all of the holiday travels, the three of them were split up and Liam ended up sitting between a crying baby and her stressed out mom and a rather large, sweaty man with no sense of personal space. By the time the train rolls into King's Cross, Liam is ready for several cups of tea and maybe a nap. 

The air in London is crisp, biting. Wisps of flurries swirl around the faces of travelers as they move through the streets. Liam briefly considers getting a taxi instead of walking through the snow with their bags draped over their shoulders, bringing it up to Niall and Harry a few blocks from the train. It’s peaceful though, a quiet aftermath of the holidays. Despite the many passengers on their train in, the streets housed few commuters other than the boys. They decide to continue on, besides, the walk isn’t too long and none of them are in a hurry to get home. Liam takes the moment to pull a cigarette from his pack, pressing his lips around it and inhale the smoke deep into his lungs. 

His mind swirls around Zayn, where things were left and how things might pick up when the other boy gets back to town. He can’t stop the edges of his mouth twisting up into a slight smile as he carries on, inhaling smoke then exhaling it soon after. 

Harry’s humming is what pulls him from his own mind, it’s a Christmas carol because that’s all that Harry has programmed into his brain at this time of the year. Niall joins in with the humming, his hand dropping from his pocket to cup Harry’s gloved hand. It’s taking Liam too long to gather the tune or the lyrics and the other two switch songs, smiling at each other as they walk. Liam knows it this time, flicking his cigarette to the ground and jumping in on the humming, then eventually to the lyrics.

“On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me-” Niall and Harry jump in now too, “A partridge in a pear tree!” They shout and Liam links his arm with Harry, continuing the song. “On the second day of Christmas, my true gave to me two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree!”

They’re laughing now, getting different parts of the song jumbled up and skipping words as they try to sort out how the lyrics are supposed to go. They get to their apartment building before they can even finish the song. Liam’s nose is frozen on the tips, his cheeks red from the cold wind whipping against his skin. Niall’s in the same state as Liam, shivering with his whole body as they climb the first flight of stairs. Harry just looks between the two of them with concerned facial expressions, offering up the scarf he was smart enough to pack. 

“I, for one,” Liam begins as he pulls the key to the apartment out of his pocket and bypasses the others on the stairs, “cannot wait to get inside.” He starts up the last flight of steps, taking them two at a time now. “I’m going to go straight to our kitchen and make a big cup of-” Liam’s footsteps come to a stop, staring up at his apartment door. “Zayn?”

“A cup of Zayn?” Niall asks from a few steps down, his faulty knee making him get up the stairs slowly. “Wha’s tha’ even mean?” Niall bumps into Liam’s back at the top of the stairs, “Could’ya move, Payno?” He asks and Harry shushes him, gesturing over to Zayn. “Oh, alrigh’ then.” Niall plucks the keys from Liam’s hands and maneuvers past him with Harry following him closely behind. They wave at Zayn, who waves back and offers a wide smile before the two disappear into the apartment.

Liam’s feet are still planted in the same spot he stopped in. He and Zayn just sort of stand there for awhile, neither of them saying anything or doing anything. Just staring at each other and looking away only to look right back into eachother’s faces. “You said New Year’s Eve.” Liam finally says, his lips stretching into a smile.

“Yeah,” Zayn laughs, shaking his head as he looks down at his shoes.

“What are you doing, then?”

“Wanted to see my boy.”

“Your boy, am I?”

Zayn’s shoulders fall in a slight shrug. “Yeah,” He says simply, his deep chocolate eyes staring a hole into Liam’s soul. “My boy.” Liam melts into a puddle the moment Zayn’s lips stretch into a smile and he takes a step towards him. “Let’s go inside, you’re still cold.” Liam shivers, but not from the cold. More so from the way Zayn’s calloused fingers trace along his jawline. 

“Care for a cuppa?” 

“Read my bloody mind.”

 

***

If anything is going to warm Liam up, it’s not the three cups of tea he had on the couch while Zayn told him all about his trip home to visit his family. It’s also not the expensive down comforter draped over his lower half, nor is it the heating system finally kicking in. If anything is going to warm Liam up, it’s the feeling of Zayn’s lips on his neck as they lay tangled in bed. It’s Zayn's fingers drawing shapes against Liam's hip bones as their lips collide together.

Each breath Liam takes in tastes dizzyingly like Zayn like they’re too close but Liam doesn’t think they’re close enough. His shaking hand made it’s way to Zayn’s waist, gripping his side and pulling him so their chests were pressed together, this is everything that Liam had been waiting on. It’s everything that he had wanted for so long. The boy lets out a nervous exhale before nudging his nose along the other boy’s jaw and trailing his lips down agonizingly slow, wanting to take his time to do this right. The boy puckers his lips, sucking a spot against Zayn’s collarbone before running his tongue against the sensitive skin and gaining a slight whimper from the boy he’s pressed against. 

“Gonna stay this time, Li.”

“Yeah?”

Zayn nods and dips down to press his lips to Liam’s before pulling his shirt off and tossing it into the other boy’s face.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr http://crystalmreed.tumblr.com or twitter http://twitter.com/burritoemoji
> 
> hope you enjoyed! i'll be back w more (lirry) stuff i just really wanted this to be gone but didn't have the heart to delete it


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